I found another thought I had typed out on my phone and labeled “change,” so I thought I’d share it. I wrote this in early March:
“Man, I never have understood more the saying about life changing when you have a kid. Not the fact that one day you’re walking around doing your own thing and literally the next you’re responsible not only for yourself but another human being as well (although this is scary true too), but the fact that when you’re an adult, a whole year can go by and you still pretty much look the same, you have the same job, and you cook the same dinner as you did the year before. A year with a kid has brought SO MANY changes in the same amount of time. There’s the new mom, so sleepy, so thirsty, breastfeeding is life, c-section [in my case] recovery stage. Then breastfeeding is still life and you’re literally hungry ALL THE TIME. Sleeping schedules, feeding schedules, runny noses, is that an angry cry or a something’s wrong cry? Tummy time, rolling over, naps. Introducing food, babbles, sippy cups, crawling. Is she eating enough? Is she sleeping enough?
As I sit here pumping, trying to wean myself down to none, I can’t help but be emotional. Before [Baby Girl], a year might have brought a few new outfits, a new piece of furniture, and another anniversary. This past year has brought more emotions than I think I’ve felt in my entire life. Breastfeeding was the center of my world for so many months. I planned my days around it. I tracked it. I worried over it. I prayed over it. And I worked at it. And now I’m actively working to stop it. This season is over and it was entirely too short.
Change comes way too quickly with a child. Every single day she does something new or improves a skill. I’m trying my best to soak up every second of it, but it’s still passing me by so very quickly.”
It’s so weird to me that even a year ago, I had this shiny new baby and was still trying to figure out this motherhood thing. I now have a full-blown toddler who likes to wear my bracelets, asks me for doughnuts, and sometimes screams no at me. What happened to that precious, innocent, tiny squish that needed me for everything? I’m super emotional even writing this right now. This change-hating mama is not okay.
coffeemamabogie 