Works.

In going through some of my previous bible devotions, I found this that I wrote in March. It reminded me that I already had a heart project going on when I decided to I would finally obey and start this blog… a heart project I had started to forget about in the anxiety of publishing my words.

You believe God is One; you do well. Even the demons believe – and shudder! Do you want to be shown, you foolish person, that faith apart from works is useless?

James 2:19&20

This passage always gets me, and makes me think of The Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis (such a good book if you haven’t read it!) Satan himself knows that Jesus is the Son of God, that’s why he attacks us so. Evil in the purest form believes in the one true God, so when people say they believe in God, it’s not really much of a thing to say. We are called to live our lives like we believe in God. That belief should be causing us to act in some way or another.

Where I get tripped up is that when I see the word “works” in this passage, I think I need to be out in the street feeding the hungry or teaching orphans in Africa – and if that is what God lays on my heart, then by all means, I should. However, I forget that it also just means action. How am I living differently than I would otherwise because I believe? Do I have a joy that the world can’t take away? Do I see God as Lord of all, and therefore use my time to praise His name? Do I take comfort that His plan is better when something’s not going the way I think it should? Do I use the talents and abilities He has given me to glorify Him in my day to day life? “Works” aren’t just these grandiose gestures that I usually think of, they are faith in action in our everyday lives. It’s living like we believe, not just saying we do.

Lately, after feeling like I’m not giving God my absolute all, I’ve been praying for Him to show me what I’m holding back. I think I assumed it was one big thing I was holding on to, but He’s been showing me all sorts of little daily things that I keep forgetting to hand over. My work is definitely one of these things, but it has been even smaller aspects like [Baby Girl’s] sleeping habits and what we’re going to have for dinner. I think I just assume that these things are too small for God to waste His time with, and that I can handle them myself. However, these small things are the very things satan uses to get in my head, to tell me I’m not good enough. So, they are definitely things I should be handing over to God, because He wants it all – even the [maybe not so] little things.

I’ve gotten distracted lately by focusing on giving God this big thing (my blog), and have forgotten once again to hand over every seemingly minute aspect of my life. Because of this, I can once again feel satan wedging in, using these tiny worries I have to give me big anxieties and insecurities. I can tell that I’m not giving God my all, only a small, specific portion of my life that I have divided out just for Him. This is a scary realization, and I pray that He makes me more aware of the times I try to “go it alone.”