Expectations.

I expect a lot of my kid – I have since she was in the womb. She had to be tough, because there wasn’t much room in there. The last month or so of my pregnancy, her head stayed in my ribcage pretty much the whole time. They tried to make her turn, but there was just no room. Her poor little head kept getting stuck. I have said since she was born that I honestly think that’s why she had so much neck strength from the get go – she was used to constantly fighting for room. Almost immediately, my sweet girl realized she much preferred sitting up to laying back. She would get so very angry if you tried to cradle her, you know, like a baby. She also didn’t care for being rocked or cuddled too much. We gave up trying to use the rocking chair a few months in, it almost seemed to over-stimulate her rather than calm her down. She is just now getting to where she wants to cuddle for short periods of time, but still mostly just when she’s sick (or when she wants something.) She’s been miss independent for her whole almost year and a half of life. Maybe it was partly because of how big she acted from the beginning, but I’ve always had great expectations for my child.

This got me in trouble a little bit when we were in the newborn stages. The hormones and the lack of sleep made me a super unhappy person. I would get so frustrated with my poor baby when she wouldn’t go back to sleep, or seemed to be crying for no reason. I just wanted this tiny thing who needed me for everything to be able to self-regulate and self-soothe. I wanted her to just know how to do things that tiny babies really don’t know how to do.

I worked with kids for about ten years, and several of those years were spent with one year olds specifically. I learned a great deal about children and their development over those years. The biggest thing I think I learned? They are capable of so much more than we think, and expectation is everything. I would have a giant pile of money if I had a dollar for every time a parent asked, “how did you get him/ her to do that?!” Teaching a child to do something, anticipating that they will actually do it, and offering help when needed is all I ever did. Kids learn really quickly what it is you expect of them, and for the most part, they’re people-pleasers; they just want to do a good job.

For this reason, I expect quite a lot from my kid. And, for the most part, this has worked for us so far. Her mind amazes me all the time. She knows exactly what I’m saying to her. She can walk from one end of the house to the other to throw something away or put dirty clothes in the laundry basket. She can push her basket of clean clothes from the laundry room down the hall to her room. She can go get a specific book I ask for off the shelf, or a specific toy out of her bin. She can ask me to do things, like help, open her Easter egg (she’s still obsessed with these, months after Easter), pick her up, or go “that way”. She can tell me what she wants to eat (which currently is some combination of doughnuts, yogurt, bread, crackers, and prunes [yeah, I don’t know].) She knows so so many words that I’ve lost count. And she hears and repeats EVERYTHING.

My child is also my child, however, and we often have a battle of wills. After being sick for a week recently, she has been winning these battles, simply because getting her to eat or drink or do anything was a struggle. Now that she feels better, setting these boundaries again has been so hard. She really likes to test boundaries. I feel like I keep having to pray for patience, just to have enough to show her how to be patient. She really can push my buttons.

I think sometimes people think I’m too hard on my kid, that I’m not letting her be a baby. I’ll admit, it’s harder than I thought it would be with my own. Part of me wants her to stay a tiny squish for as long as possible. Another part of me, however, sees a toddler who, if left unchecked, could easily turn into the poster child for terrible twos. Yes, I want her to stay little, but I also want to set expectations now for how she should act – at some point, it will be too late.

Another thing I learned during my time with all those kiddos? Children thrive in routines. Again, I think it’s an expectation thing – if they know what’s expected and what’s going to happen next, there’s a comfort there. Another thing I’m not great at with my own stinking kid? Routines. I mean, we have a loose schedule, but it usually gets thrown off by something – a work phone call, a tantrum-throwing toddler who refuses to eat anything but yogurt, a lunch out with friends or family, or something. I keep telling myself that even if we keep the schedule a few times a week, it will stay familiar enough to be routine… but the planner and micromanager in me stays pretty anxious about it all the time.

My poor kid. She’ll either be super smart and a thoughtful, caring human being… or be scarred for life.