Grace.

Sometimes, I have the best intentions but, I don’t get to my bible time like I plan. Life gets in the way, and although there’s really no excuse for not making time for God, it happens. On those days, however, I have to remind myself that even though I’m not in the Word, I still have small moments throughout the day where I’m focusing on God. Most days that I miss my devotion, it’s because I have to go somewhere, so I’m usually in the car at some point. And let me tell you about the mini worship sessions I have in the car… they’re pretty great. I love cranking up my favorite worship songs and just belting out with all I have to God. [More on my absolute love of music later.] I was having one of these earlier today (baby girl was giving me some serious side eye from the back seat), and a song that I love and have heard a thousand times came on, and really got me thinking. Needtobreathe has some of the best worship music, in my opinion. It’s not traditional worship music, for sure, but their lyrics are just the best. This is from their song “A Place Only You Can Go”:

We were born to love
And we’re born to pay
The price for our mistakes
Grace, she comes with a heavy load
Memories, they can’t be erased
Like a pill I swallow, he makes me well
And leaves an awful taste

I’ve always loved these lyrics, but something just hit me hard in the gut when I heard them today. I think so many of us Christians know that Jesus died for us, that we have accepted that, and that we are saved. But, we’re human. Our past doesn’t seem to go away. Our memories are still there. God actually removes our sin as far as the east is from the west, and doesn’t think on it for another second. We’re not God. Although we know what He’s done, it’s bittersweet, because we can’t forget what we’ve done. We’re given supernatural forgiveness that our human minds can’t even begin to comprehend. It’s exactly why we need the Holy Spirit. I think that’s why so many of us have trouble “living like” we’re saved. Satan likes to give us constant reminders of what we needed saving from, and we tend to fall into that same hole all over again. Does that even make any sense? Probably not.

I’m so thankful for God’s grace, but it is hard to swallow sometimes. It’s hard (for me anyway) to get over myself, to give myself a break, cut myself some slack. I make grace such a difficult thing, when it should be the easiest thing in the world.

Baby girl’s middle name is Grace. We needed a good, one-syllable name, and kept coming back to it. I know, everyone and their granddaughter has the same middle name… I knew it wasn’t uncommon, but apparently it’s super common. Anyway, after all we had been through with the miscarriage, Grace just seemed fitting. God has given us such grace through our difficulty, and has blessed us with our daughter. I pray that I always remember this when I look at my sweet girl’s smile.