Real.

I wrote this a few nights ago with the intention of posting, but I had a horrible headache went to bed instead. I still thought it needed to be shared.

Last night, I posted some pictures on Facebook with the caption “perfect night.” I was going to post this one on Instagram with a similar caption, but my app crashed and I forgot about it until much later.

Last night was really good. Our little family took a walk together, the weather was amazing, the sunset was gorgeous, my husband built a fire in the fire pit, we had s’mores, and did some sparklers leftover from the 4th of July just because. We came in, did all the bedtime things with baby girl, got her to sleep, and my husband and I watched an entire movie in one sitting – something that rarely happens anymore. Those are the kinds of things that most people post about on social media.

I started this blog because I wanted to be real with you all. I wanted to put not only the good, but the bad and ugly of our life out there as well so that someone else wouldn’t feel so alone. No one’s life is as picture perfect as they put on social media, so don’t you dare for a minute think it is. What I didn’t post about was the fact that our daughter has been in trouble off and on all week, has had THE WORST time transitioning from pooping in diapers to in the potty, had slept poorly the night before, and didn’t take her usual nap at all yesterday.

My daughter woke up with a blood curdling scream last night as my husband and I were going to bed that scared me to death. She had been a little fussy when I laid her down, complaining that she wanted to cuddle me more even though we had already had her cuddle time. But, she didn’t fuss long and went to sleep. But, it was like she woke up, remembered she was mad, and just got madder. Our kid sometimes. She scares me with the anger that is in her tiny body. She screamed and clung to me for what felt like a half an hour before I realized that she wasn’t in fact hurt or sick, just plain mad. I tried so hard to be patient and reassuring, and I was the first ten times she screamed in my face, whined, kicked, and screamed. But, at some point, I lost it. I yelled back, she pushed me, and I swatted her bottom. I held her so tightly, trying to physically contain all the anger in her body. And then I felt awful for losing my temper. She’s so well-spoken and smart that I forget she’s not even three years old yet. I forget that she’s feeling big emotions and does not know how to control them yet. I forget that she doesn’t know how to react the way I am expecting her to. I started crying and couldn’t stop then- like awful, ugly cry sobs. She kind of calmed down and asked if I was okay. We talked about how when she acts like that, it upsets mama. I apologized to her for losing my temper, she told me she loved me and I reassured her that I loved her too. She calmed down and agreed to lay back down. I still think she thought it was almost time to get up, because she said, “I will go back to sleep for a few minutes until daddy’s alarm goes off.” She slept until 7 this morning, though, so whatever. Today brought more complete meltdowns and timeout. But, she did take a nap and then pooped in the potty. After that, it was like a new kid. I know things are weird and it’s really messing with her. The time change really threw her off too. Even though we tried to adjust her gradually that week before, she is still freaked out about it getting dark before she lays down now. She always says, “I’m staying up too late!” when the sun starts setting. I know she’s just two… I just forget sometimes.

So, the perfect, tiny glimpse of life I posted on Facebook was just that, a tiny piece of what had actually been going on in our lives. You all, nobody’s life is picture perfect all the time. Everybody’s life looks like a crazy mess, most people just don’t usually choose to share that part. I try so hard to remember this – to remember that I have no idea what’s going on in others’ lives. All I know is what they choose to share.