Big enough.

I started this the end of last week and just finished it up, so the timing is a little weird, but you get the idea!

Can we talk about how good God is? I often (incorrectly) think that my problems aren’t big enough for God to care about. I mean, there are so many other bigger, heavier things in the world than what I’ve got going on. And I sometimes either forget entirely to take my worries to God, or just hate to bug Him about something so trivial in the grand scheme of things, so I just don’t. But last night I couldn’t sleep. My husband and I went back to work yesterday after having been off since last Friday (different post about our Nashville trip coming soon.) We both were feeling the weight of not being where we feel we need to be. We both had the “back to work blues,” but it’s also more than that. For a while, we’ve known there are changes coming, and we’ve prayed for them. But it’s also been scary, because change is scary. And I’m not sure anyone hates change more than I do. But last night, I was laying there thinking and praying about all the things in my life that I am not sure about, and God gave me an “epiphany,” haha. 

I’ve been selling Avon for 9 years now, since I quit my daycare job in 2013. When we lived at our old house, it allowed me to meet a lot of our neighbors that I probably wouldn’t have otherwise. In 2017, we moved to where we live now, on the other side of the county, in my granny’s old house. Ever since we moved, every two weeks I’ve been driving the 15 miles from our current house to our old road to take Avon brochures to our old neighbors, as some of them still buy from me. I’m not going to lie, I’m not a fan of selling anything. I hate the sales pitches and phone calls… it’s just really not me. I literally get a stress headache every two weeks when I go to put out my books and always pray that no one is out in their yard when I go. But, I grew up helping my mom do Avon for years, and when I needed a little extra money, it seemed like the thing to do. That night, though, I had just written all my tickets and figured up how much I made that campaign – (getting really honest here) $15.74. I pay $19.75 for just the brochures now, and that doesn’t even figure in my gas to drive out there (which we all know is getting higher by the day now), my time, my supplies, anything else. As I laid there thinking, it hit me all the sudden… I’m losing money and wasting time on something I DON’T EVEN WANT TO DO. I grabbed my phone and started typing out a note that I’m going to put on the next books that I take to our old neighbors. For now, I have decided to scale back, and see if that makes a difference. I’m not going to drive to the other end of the county every two weeks, and I’m not wasting a whole morning that I could be spending quality time with my daughter or working at my stay-at-home job that pays real, actual, hourly money.

I’ve been complaining so long about how I really don’t like doing my Avon, and every time my husband has a simple answer, “Quit!” It’s funny how it’s easier to see the answer to someone else’s problem than your own. He’s been having issues at work for a while now, and it’s taken everything in me not to be that wife and just march right up there and demand they treat him better. I would never do that for myself, but for my husband? I would muster up every ounce of courage and outspokeness in me to see he’s given the recognition he deserves. Today, after having an apparent epiphany of his own, he came home and told me that he finally took a step in making his work situation better. Was it a big step? No, but it’s definitely something. Was me deciding to be more selective with my Avon business a big step? Nope. But, after he came home and told me that, I just wanted to cry. God knows. He knows the desires of our hearts, but He also knows us, and what it would do to us if change were thrust upon us. We would shut down. So He’s working in us where and how we are, at a pace that doesn’t freak us out too much. He prepares our hearts and minds for the next step. And that’s just absolutely beautiful. It also struck me as funny that we both made our decisions without talking to the other first… we NEVER do that. We tell each other everything. But I imagine my husband knew I would approve of what he had planned and I knew that he would definitely approve of the conclusion I had come to. I was all proud to tell him, then he came in and surprised me with what he had done. It’s a God thing, you all. It just is. And I’m so scared to see where we’re headed, but I’m also so excited, because I know that God is going before us and making a way. I know He has big plans for us, and I know He knows and cares about all our little problems along the way. How good is God? ❤