Tag: Bible

More.

I’ve been silent lately because life has been even scarier and crazier than just a pandemic. It’s harder than it’s ever been and than I ever wanted it to be. I still haven’t been brave enough to make myself put it out in the universe. Maybe I will soon. For now, here is a small devotion that I did the other day that I thought I needed to share.

Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly than all we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen.

Ephesians 3:20&21

In this season of my life, saying, “Your will be done,” is scary. Life is scary. Things that I didn’t think could happen are happening. So much is changing around me and my life almost doesn’t feel like my life anymore. But the promise in this verse gives me confidence to still say to God, “Your will be done.” Right now, what I’m going through is painful and I absolutely hate it. What the world is going through is very scary. But the wonderful thing through all of it is that God is abundantly more than we can ever imagine. He knows infinitely more than I do. He sees forever into our future and goes before us. He knows what’s best for me and can and will work all things for my good. He didn’t say he would take away the pain the world inflicts on us, but He did promise to see us through it. He promises to never leave us.

I get lost in “religious debate” about “God’s plan” and things like predestination. My head literally gets all fuzzy when I try to think about it. But, honestly, I don’t think we’re supposed to understand, and that’s hard. We’re taught from a young age to think critically and search for our answers. But sometimes the answer is that, as our pastor Jim often says, God is God and we are not. We have to trust that whatever happens, for whatever reason, He can and will use it for good – even if we never see the outcome in this life.

So, there’s that. Writing after such a long time feels so weird, yet normal at the same time. I sincerely pray that God uses me through this. I know that I’m supposed to use what I’ve been given to let people know that they are not alone.

Also, apparently, it’s been a year since I became coffeemamabogie… that’s crazy to me. I love you all so much, and I pray that whether you’re going through something hard, or this is actually the happiest time of your life, you are seeking God and His wisdom. I pray you are thanking Him for your blessings, whether they are currently hard to recognize, or obviously abundant. I pray that we all love on each other as much as we can, and that we recognize that life is not about ourselves. ❤

Refining.

So, those of you who read my last blog post know that satan was testing us after we made a commitment to tithe regularly. Well, just as He promised, God was faithful. My husband gets a commission check on top of his regular salary, which is already amazing. It allows me to only work part-time and still stay home with baby girl. Well, his last commission check was SEVERAL HUNDRED dollars more than usual. Don’t tell me for a second that wasn’t orchestrated. We are never without what we need. We are abundantly blessed. Anyway, the following is from a few weeks ago, but God laid it on my heart to talk about it tonight.

(6) In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, (7) so that the tested genuineness of your faith – more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire – may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Christ. (8) Though you have not seen Him, you love Him. Though you do not now see Him, you believe in Him and rejoice with joy that is inexpressible and filled with glory, (9) obtaining the outcome of your faith, the salvation of your souls.

1 Peter 1:6-9

Sunday night I was looking for a verse to help motivate me for the upcoming week and stumbled upon this passage. I wrote myself a note to look specifically at verse 8 again, but when I opened my bible this whole passage really spoke to me. If we’re looking for a reason for all the bad things that happen to us, this is it. “Getting through” the trials of our lives is usually all we strive for because it’s miserable and we can’t wait for whatever it is to go away. What if instead we looked at trials as a chance to put our faith into action? What if instead of focusing on how bad our life is and feeling sorry for ourselves, we looked for opportunities to use it for God’s purpose, to show God’s love, and to strengthen our own faith? I had never thought of my faith in God as more precious and stronger than gold.

And then there’s verse 8. Only when you have truly experienced Christ can you understand this verse, I believe. I think this is what the world has so much trouble understanding about Christians. No, I haven’t physically seen Jesus, but man have I seen Him at work in my life. Yeah, some days (okay, actually, every day) it would be so much easier to follow Him if He were physically standing next to me giving me a play-by-play on what to do and say next. I would LOVE that. But, that’s just not how He operates. He loves us enough to give us freedom, and with that freedom comes lots and lots of choices. The inexpressible joy comes from following Him and seeing that His way is the best way; it comes from knowing that we are free, but we are not alone – He’s holding us every step of the way.Verse 9 didn’t speak to me much at first, but as I read it again I began to better understand. Our faith is just that – it’s our own. Jesus died for every single one of us, but it’s our own faith that determines the outcome. That’s why our faith is more precious than gold and why it has to be tested and refined. Seeking God is always important, but it is especially important in times when it seems hardest. Those are the times when God is really working on our hearts. If we’re just “getting by”, we will miss it.

Day.

It’s 11:28 PM and I just clocked out and laid down in the bed with my rice sock, because man do I ache. Today has just been a day. It’s been Monday. I’m exhausted.

I got so much done today… and still feel so very behind. Why are there not enough hours in the day to do everything? I feel like if I excel in some aspects, others get neglected. In a typical day, these are the things that I try to make time for:

• Breakfast

• Exercise

• Laundry

• Work

• Play + read with baby girl

• Lunch

• Dishes

• Bible time

• Dinner prep

• Tidying up

• Dinner

• Put baby girl to bed

• Time with hubby

I put out Avon books (which entails driving like 20 minutes out of town and putting books in paper boxes in our old neighborhood), somehow worked SEVEN hours, and did a lot of other things mentioned above. But I didn’t get to the laundry, and I neglected my bible time. The laundry can wait, I know, but not making time to spend with God is not good at all.

My husband is the best. I know I brag on him a lot, but he deserves it. He saw that I was still trying to work when he got home, so he packed up baby girl and went to the store to grab a few things we needed so I could work in peace for a while. I had also jokingly said I was craving alfredo, so he bought the necessary ingredients to make it and cooked it for me after baby girl went to bed. I don’t know what I would do without him. He sees the dishes need doing and does them. He cooks dinner almost every night. He helps me in so many ways and is just the best partner to go through life with.

I wrote this Monday night, but life hasn’t slowed down since. Last night I clocked out at 10 PM, so that’s an improvement, right? Working from home is not as glamorous as everyone might think. For me, it’s a constant battle in my mind between feeling guilty about not spending enough time with my kid and not being the best employee I can be. Ugh.

Also, can we talk about my husband some more? That night, he made linguine alfredo, last night he made hand-breaded pan-fried cod with fresh fries and mushy peas, and tonight he’s making steak frites. What in the world did I do to deserve this man and his cooking? Yum.

Um, yummy. I’ll just leave this right here.

Boldness.

…for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.

2 Timothy 1:7

I know I’ve done this verse more than once before, and it seems like I even remember doing it pretty recently. But Jim’s message on Sunday [you can watch it here] was about choices, and I thought this related so well. He said that he read somewhere that we make like 35,000 choices a day. That sounds insane, but I believe it. He asked us how many times a day we consider God’s will before we choose?

That got me thinking about my motivation for the choices I make. Most of my choices are made from a desire for comfort. How many times a day do I do something because the alternative seems too scary or I’m too timid and shy to do what I think I really should? ALL THE TIME. I keep quiet instead of complementing someone. I let someone else step up to help that person in need because I’m too scared. For crying out loud, I pass by a Facebook status that makes me happy for or proud of the person posting it and don’t hit the “like” button because social interaction, even behind a screen, makes me nervous. All the time I let satan tell me that my “personality flaws” overpower what God is asking me to do. I let him tell me that it’s okay to indulge myself or to give in to fear. But, the Holy Spirit inside me is stronger that my personality. [Insert a thought I had that I typed out months ago on my phone, waiting for the perfect opportunity to share: “Our emotions, our personality ‘flaws’ are our thorns in our sides. They are there to keep us humble. If we didn’t have to strive for heavenly perfection, if we were already there, we wouldn’t need Jesus.”] As long as I accept and believe that the Holy Spirit is bigger, I don’t have to be bogged down by timidity and fear. I don’t have to let them control my choices. The funny thing is that this is a choice in itself. I can choose to listen to satan’s voice, or the Holy Spirit’s guidance. My choices are not random or arbitrary, though they may feel that way to me as I skate through life. I’m making a choice. I need to be so much more careful about making conscious decisions to listen to the Holy Spirit.

Confession time: during the month of December, I wrote in my bible journal five times. FIVE TIMES. And you want to know what’s even worse than that? I went to God even less. The times I did write were out of guilt, and I let myself become distracted while doing it. I only did it to check it off my list, to be able to say that I did it. And yes, we had a great holiday season and I kept my expectations in check, and I enjoyed each moment as it happened. But, I never went to God with thanksgiving for any of it. I never slowed down and took time to ponder the birth of Jesus and what His presence here on earth means for my life. I neglected going to His word and spending time in His presence daily, and boy does it show. I have felt so disconnected from God and His will lately, and my CHOICES made it happen. God didn’t change, and He surely didn’t go anywhere. He’s still there, waiting patiently for me to come to my senses. If I treated my friends the way that I sometimes treat God, they would be long gone; no sane person would put up with my crap. But God’s love is supernatural, His forgiveness is always waiting, and His mercy is relentless. He loves us like nobody else can and even when nobody else does. We don’t deserve it, but He loves us anyway. I’m so, so very grateful for that.

Satan stayed over for the holidays, but it’s time for him to leave now. I never should have invited him in the first place, but now he’s really overstayed his welcome. Lord, kick him out, and give me power and self-control to tell him, “no,” next time.

My kid looking grumpy about my cute photoshoot idea.

By the world’s standards, we had a wonderful Christmas – we spent time with family, cooked together, had a cute family photo by the tree, lots of presents for baby girl, good food… but what did we do for others? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. AND, the one time of year that secular radio stations play songs about Jesus, did I say anything to anybody? Did I use the season as a conversation-starter to tell someone who otherwise wouldn’t stop to think about it about Jesus’ love? NOPE. I really messed this one up and completely missed the point.

So, in relation to the new year, this is going to be the verse that I focus on. God didn’t give us a spirit of fear, but a bold spirit to overcome our fear. He didn’t create us to sit back and watch others live for Him, but gave us a heart for Him and His people. And he certainly didn’t allow us to be imperfect just to stay that way. We have the self-control we need already inside us through the Holy Spirit. Going into the new year with a renewed spirit of power and love and self-control is exactly what I need to live as God has called me to – boldly.

False feelings.

There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.

Romans 8:1

Without realizing it, I wrote about this verse twice in a month period and only realized it several days after I wrote the second one. When God puts something in front of you, sometimes it’s really obvious.

Jim said something in his devotion that really struck a chord with me: “we are attacked by guilt, shame, judgement from others, and temptations all day long and rather than see the price paid [by Jesus] we see new charges.” When my focus is on my sin, that’s all I’m going to see. When my focus is on Jesus, I will see the victory over my sin that I have in Him. For some reason I get stuck in a frame of mind where I believe that my past sins are forgiven, but these new ones I have to work out on my own. But Jesus died for ALL of our sins – past, present, future. Just because I’m found in Him doesn’t mean I won’t sin anymore, it just means that He has already forgiven that sin. I just have to accept it.

This concept is very hard for me to wrap my head around most of the time. Jesus tells me that I’m holy and righteous, but satan keeps pointing out my sin and shame and I don’t feel very holy or righteous. I think what I need to do is claim it anyway. My feelings don’t even begin to compare to God’s truth. My emotions are human and can’t be trusted. What can be trusted? Jesus’ word and love for me.

I seriously need this reminder every day.

This was a supporting verse in Jim’s devotion today, but it hit home. He was talking about how all God asks us to do is keep His commandments – it sounds easy, but we’re sinners and we mess it up. Jim said something that pierced my heart: “Let’s focus on the pursuit [of God] and not the failures.” God convicts me all the time. He shows me things I could do better or things that I’m not doing that He’s directly calling me to do. He allows me to feel convicted to remind me that I need Him. But, I have a tendency to recognize my sin, ask God for forgiveness, and then hold it over my own head for forever, beating myself up along the way. I’m keeping my focus on the failures instead of the pursuit.

I often say that I don’t feel forgiven, redeemed, righteous, or any of the wonderful things God says I am. The thing is, it’s not because of anything God has done – His promises remain true, always. My feelings are just that – feelings. They are from my human heart and mind – places that satan just loves to creep into. I let him whisper reminders of my failures, and I listen, using them as an excuse to say, “Why bother?” I use them as proof that I’ll never live up, so I don’t even try. I CHOOSE to focus on my failures. Why do I do that?!

I think I would “feel” more forgiven if I cut myself some slack. I have to remember that everyone screws up because we’re all human. That’s exactly why we need Jesus… God knew we would mess it up. But the beautiful part is that He loves us anyway; He offers forgiveness anyway. I have to cling to who God says I am and not what I feel.

So, yeah. God has really been showing me that I can’t trust my feelings, as evidenced by that horrible anxious/ depressive episode I had a few weeks back. My mind is a dangerous place, because it’s only full of what I put in there. I want to be so full of God’s word and promises that there’s no room for doubt or temptation or shame. I want my heart to be so full of His love for me that I can’t help but feel joy ALL THE TIME. I’m so much closer to this than I was even a few years ago, but man, I’ve still got some work to do. Satan still gets wedged in there sometimes, and I willingly move some things around to give him some room.

Anxious.

You guys, I haven’t been okay lately. Last weekend in particular was straight up awful. My anxiety has been through the roof. I’m feeling a lot better now, but I still keep having feelings popping up that I have to squash quickly, otherwise, I’m feeling like I could quickly fall into that hole again. I haven’t felt anxiety like this in a LONG TIME. It’s so funny, because I had literally just written about the verse in Matthew that starts “do not be anxious…” on Thursday, and by Saturday I was a mess. The context of that verse was a bit different, but it was still that word, anxious. This past Wednesday I wrote this:

Say to those who have an anxious heart, “Be strong; fear not! Behold, your God will come with vengeance, with the recompense of God, He will come and save you.”

Isaiah 35:4

This past weekend was terrible. Friday afternoon, the husband went with me to get an EKG. The whole thing only took about thirty minutes, and the nurse said that she didn’t see any irregularities (which was why I was sent there in the first place), just some palpitations (which I’ve been able to feel for years.) We went to eat afterwards, and the waitress recognized us from our high school. I felt really bad, because she didn’t look familiar to me at all. I also had a conversation in the bathroom with a lady about allergies. Friday night, as I thought about the day, I was thankful for the extra time I got to spend with my husband. I was even a little proud of myself for not freaking out too badly over my test, and even for the social interactions I had (I know that sounds a little ridiculous, but social interaction STRESSES ME OUT. Especially with people I don’t know.)

Saturday, baby girl woke up earlier than usual. I COULD NOT seem to wake up. I was so frustrated with the fact that it was so early, and I was frustrated with her whining. We walked into the kitchen and there were dishes all over the counter. I lost it; I started crying. Later that morning, we were at Lowe’s and after a series of ridiculously minuscule stressors I started crying again. The rest of the day I felt awful – stupid, useless, and unimportant.

I had hoped that Sunday would be better, but those feelings crept up again after church. Both Saturday and Sunday, I just sat on the couch for hours, feeling lost. To top it all off, I left my bible at church.

Monday, I felt terrible physically, then my head started hurting and continually got worse throughout the day. My gynecologist called and didn’t like my labs – my cholesterol was high, and my blood pressure had been high the day I went too. I was stressed about that. I ended up getting so very sick that night. It was the worst migraine I have had in a while. The husband offered to go get me ginger ale while I was sobbing in the bathroom floor, but I told him no. Later I admitted that I was terrified that he was going to get in a car wreck and die because he was running out for me, and that’s why I told him no. Yeah.. I told you, I was in a bad place.

Yesterday was MUCH better, but that anxious/depressive episode I had scared me. I haven’t felt that down in a long time. So, I finally have my bible back and I’m glad I found this verse. I forgot for a few days that I was worthy of rescuing.

I also wrote a detailed account of how I was feeling on Saturday, and I feel it’s important for you all to see that too – it’s just a small glimpse of what was going through my head. I often get stressed about little things, but I keep my anxiety in check most of the time. It doesn’t usually cripple me to the point where I literally just sit there not knowing how to process what I’m feeling.

Today was awful. I woke up around 5 AM, looked at the clock, and went back to sleep thinking that I had about 1.5 to 2 hours more to sleep. Baby girl fell asleep late last night, so I figured she would sleep in… I don’t know why, she never does. Just after 6 I heard her whining a bit, then she started crying. Last night, I had seriously contemplated waking up the husband this morning so I could sleep in, but when I heard her so early, I decided not to. She switched from crying for her daddy to mama, so I finally got up and went in there. She was trying to get out of the bed, so I picked her up and tried to cuddle her. She said she needed a diaper, so I changed it. The whole time she was on the changing table, she repeated, “eat,” over and over. I was so sleepy and couldn’t seem to wake up. After her diaper change, I took her and sat in the chair in her room. She had a small meltdown, and just kept saying, “up,” over and over and over again. I started whining like a child, telling her I just wanted to sit… not my proudest moment. She stopped fussing for a second, examined my face and then kind of tapped my chin, and said, “you need coffee.” If I hadn’t been so tired and if that hadn’t been such an incredibly true statement, I probably would have busted out laughing. Yes, yes I did need coffee. She went back to fussing, then finally added a desperate “please” onto one of her “up”s. I got up and carried her down the hallway (she has to be carried in the mornings, it’s just one of those things we do.) We walked into the kitchen, she’s saying “eat” on repeat again, and I look around and there is not a single spot of counter space open- there are literally dishes everywhere because we didn’t do the dishes last night. I lost it, I cried. Baby girl agreed to eggs for breakfast, with the promise of a doughnut after she finished them. I made her some, and while she was eating, I worked on the dishes that were causing me such anxiety. I was emptying the dishwasher and went to put one of my favorite mugs on the drying rack. I dropped it in the sink, it made an awful racket, and the handle broke off. I was trying so very hard to stay calm, but I was pretty upset.

Fast forward to later this morning, we were at Lowe’s. We got there at baby girl’s normal lunchtime, so I was a little stressed out over that. But, she was amazed at all the Halloween and Christmas decorations, we looked at countertops and kitchen cabinets, I thought I was fine. At one point she got in trouble for not holding my hand while walking through the store, and had to sit in the buggy. I diffused that situation with a squeeze pouch I found in my purse. We actually went to Lowe’s so the husband could buy some trim for baby girl’s room. There were no big carts in sight, and he went off to find one. All the sudden, I felt so alone. I was holding baby girl, who kept asking to go, “that way.” I finally let her walk around a bit, hoping it would tire her out because it was quickly creeping up on her nap time. The husband had to walk back out into the parking lot to find a cart, so he was taking forever. Our buggy didn’t have anything in it, and we walked down the aisle away from it. A man carrying several items passed us, browsed the same aisle for a minute, then slung all of his stuff into our empty buggy and kept looking. For some ridiculous reason, that upset me. It was our buggy, even though we didn’t need it. When the husband came back and started loading the wood for the trim, he asked if I still liked it (it has been a while since we decided on a look we liked.) I said that now that I was looking at it, I was a little worried that it might be too tall. He joked about it being a little late to change things, since he had already done the door casings. I felt so stupid for some reason, and started crying again.

When we got home, we put baby girl to bed, and I just sat on the couch. The husband played a game on the computer, and I just sat there. I finally turned on Fixer Upper, but I wasn’t really watching it. Not even that could cheer me up. I just had these awful feelings of uselessness, self-loathing, emptiness. I felt completely lost. Baby girl slept for over two and half hours and I just sat there the whole time. When she got up, we went outside to play, her daddy was working on the trim, and her granny came to visit. All that improved my mood quite a bit. The husband had brought in the totes with the fall clothes in them, and mom entertained baby girl while I worked on that some. I felt productive and a little better.

I don’t know where this sadness has come from – seemingly nowhere. I’m not quite sure really what I’m even sad about, but this is anxious depression like I’ve never felt. I’m quadruple guessing my every decision, I regret every word that comes out of my mouth, and I feel physically awful. This can go away now please.

I feel really exposed putting all that out there, but if it can help one person feel that they aren’t alone, then it’s so worth it. It has taken me over a week to gather all these words and articulate what I’ve been feeling, and I feel like I still haven’t hit it on the head. And, honestly, I’m really REALLY bad at articulating myself. I haven’t even told my husband all this yet, because the words in my head are all jumbled and don’t make any sense. If I had tried to explain it, I can guarentee you that I would have left feeling dumb again. I’ll let him read this first, before you all, haha.

I realized after I wrote all this out, that this was just one more thing in my life that I had a choice about. I could let my feelings overtake me and just get lost in my awful thoughts, or I could cling to God’s promise that He will rescue me and praise Him in the midst of it. I could feel sorry for myself, or I can use it to help others. I choose to do the latter.

More than food.

Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing?

Matthew 6:25

Background courtesy of our sunflower field excursion the other night. I can’t get enough of these pictures!

I guess life is more than food, although I REALLY enjoy it. All kidding aside – when Jesus tells me not to be anxious, I sit up and listen, because I am so very often anxious. I know I’ve done this verse before, and I know I have probably already said what I’m going to say somewhere before, because this verse always reminds me of a specific time in my life. When the husband and I were first married, we didn’t have a lot of extra money. In fact, it was super tight. We lived in an apartment downtown with original hardwood floors that we loved, but it was really probably out of our budget. We miraculously always had enough money for our bills, but not much else. There were times when I honestly can’t tell you where we found the money to buy the things we needed. There were times when I would find a restaurant gift card that I would have sworn that we already used. There were SO MANY times when our families helped out above and beyond what any family should do. Not once did we ever doubt that we would be okay. We KNEW God was taking care of us. There was no other way we could have gotten through it.

In his devotion today, Jim talked about focusing more on the spiritual. He said, “What do we spend more time thinking about? Does it make sense for us to be concerned about the things that serve us or the things that serve God?” Are we seeking first the kingdom or seeking to satisfy our stomachs?

To me, it all goes back to distractions. Yes, God provides for us, and that should be enough. But instead of being content with our blessings from Him, we let the world, satan, tell us that we need more and that we can get it ourselves.

I felt slightly convicted as I read this. Ever since the weather [finally] got cooler, I’ve been justifying to myself (if you don’t know me, just ask my husband… I can rationalize just about anything to death to justify it if I want to. He recently likened it to a superpower that I usually use for evil, haha) why I need new fall clothes: “I’ve had these shoes since 2005, this sweater is baggy on me now, I wore the same shirt twice in one week,” …the excuses go on and on. I keep telling myself that if I’m happier with the way that I look, I won’t be so distracted, I’ll be happier in general, I’ll be more motivated… and all these things may be true. BUT, I don’t necessarily think that my clothes need to change. Maybe, my attitude needs to change. Maybe, I need a more grateful, contented attitude that sees that I’m already taken care of physically, but more importantly, spiritually. How’s that for a thought?

The background to this one I took several years ago on my husband’s family farm. Just like old barns, we can choose to see our weathering as a blessing of life, or as a distraction, something that needs to be fixed up and painted to be worth anything.

Goodness.

You ever just keep seeing the same message over and over? For me, that message over the last week or so has been God’s goodness.

Even when life is crazy and I’m struggling to keep up, I can rest in God’s goodness. He is good to me, always, even when I have made myself too busy to see it. His love is sufficient. He has provided not only everything I need, but so much more.

I will feast the soul of the priests with abundance, and my people shall be satisfied with my goodness.

Jeremiah 31:14

Jim referenced a verse in Jeremiah the other day, and the whole passage and few chapters after caught my attention, and I thought I would read some more. These are God’s words to the people of Judah, who had not been living how God called them to, so He scattered them and punished them with famine and sickness, and allowed their enemies to overtake them. But even after all that, God still loved them and promised to gather and restore them.

I read a commentary on Jeremiah and it was talking about how this was a promise about Jesus and the Holy Spirit. Jesus set the example for us, and the Holy Spirit allows God’s will to dwell in us. I hadn’t thought about it that way before. I love how God lays the foundation of the New Testament in the Old Testament.

I had a couple of thoughts on this particular verse:

1) I think it is entirely reasonable to assume that God’s will for us is to be filled abundantly by Him as well, just as he promises. We can ask God to abundantly fill our souls with His joy, peace, life, and purpose so that we can share it with others as He calls us to do.

2) I want to be satisfied with His goodness. And again, that is His will for us, so if we pray for it, we better expect it. It doesn’t say that He satisfies us with His goodness, but that we are satisfied with His goodness. Our worldly satisfaction can never be met. The world will always tell us that we need more to be happy. But, being satisfied with God’s goodness means knowing that He is enough, that He is all we need and more. We don’t need anything else to be satisfied.

It’s so funny [wonderful] how God puts things in front of us that He wants us to see. The other day, my mom stayed with baby girl and I got to run a couple of errands by myself. [Who would have ever thought that’s something I would look forward to?! I used to HATE going places by myself.] I had downloaded some songs onto my phone that I liked and decided to listen to them while I was driving around. The Bethel song, “Goodness of God” came on, I turned it way up, and just belted. I’ve heard that song on the radio several times before, but having it cranked up in the car was different. I absolutely loved it. It spoke directly to me like it was written just for me. I told my husband later that night – I don’t care when, why, or where, but I NEED to sing that song. It was made for me. And, it has a guitar, so obviously he needs to play with me. It’s. My. Song.

Sufficient.

But He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in your weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

2 Corinthians 12:9&10

Paul had a thorn in his side – we’re not sure what it actually was, but Paul himself admitted it was a blessing from God, something to keep him humble. But then he still asks God to take it away. Jim challenged us to think about if we ever do this – actually ask God to take away something unpleasant, even if we understand that He has a reason for giving it to us.

Most of the time, being molded by God is uncomfortable, even painful. I can honestly say that the hardest things I’ve gone through have shaped me into and prepared me for who I am today.

As I was writing the verses out, I thought about how there are certain aspects with my relationship with God that I just can’t seem to get a handle on. I tend to mess it up over and over again, and I fall for the same traps and distractions satan lays out over and over again. I get so frustrated with myself that I can’t seem to get it together. I beat myself up, ask for forgiveness (again), ask God to help me do better next time, only to be blindsided by satan once again. The seemingly ridiculous thing about all this? I can boast in my struggles, my iniquities, my many failures. Why? Because God’s grace is sufficient, because only when I’m weak can I get out of the way and let God show how strong He is.

It is my sincere hope that in blogging about my struggles I do exactly that – show the world how great God is and how much I need Him because I’m really not great.

Good things.

In going through my journal, I’m starting to see a new theme that God keeps putting in front of me. I’m still trying to find, process, and order everything, so here’s a short but sweet little journal entry for your Sunday night from this past Monday:

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.

Philippians 4:8

I feel like this is pretty straightforward and doesn’t require a whole lot of contemplation. It’s simple – we are called to focus on the good things, the things from God. As I was writing this out, I had a thought: what if instead of looking for others’ mistakes and waiting for them to stumble just to point it out, as the world does, we looked for something good? What if we went out of our way to point out what someone is good at, what their talents are? What if we made a point to find something positive in whoever or whatever is in front of us? When we’re in that kind of mindset, I think it would be so much easier not only to see our own blessings, but also to be a blessing to someone else.