Tag: change

Beautiful.

Hubby and I had a much-needed date night tonight and I’m feeling so much better. We needed the alone time for sure. We went to see A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood, and it was so good. I usually avoid all together movies that I know are going to make me cry (well, almost every movie makes me cry at some point, but like, if I see “heart-warming” or “inspirational” or anything like that in a trailer, I’m out), but I had to see this movie. I loved Mr. Rogers growing up, and, hello, it’s Tom Hanks.. what’s not to love? I went in knowing that I would probably be ugly crying throughout the whole thing, so I was emotionally prepared. But, I made it like 2/3 of the movie without crying, and I thought I was doing good. Ugh, that last third will get you, watcher beware. Men crying make me cry, and that happened, so… cue the waterworks.

I haven’t really researched Fred Rogers’ life, so I don’t know exactly how accurate some of the things in the movie were, but there were several things that stuck out to me. [Stop here to avoid spoilers!] The man that’s interviewing Mr. Rogers asks him repeatedly how he handles the burden of knowing other people’s problems, and he answers with things from his show – pounding clay, playing all the low notes on the piano at once, etc. Mrs. Rogers tells him later that Fred reads scripture and prays for people by name, that he practices healthy ways to manage his feelings daily, so that he can better handle himself when things get overwhelming. What a concept. I know I’m guilty of either not caring enough about someone, because I don’t want the accompanying emotional burden, or caring but holding onto that burden until the weight of it almost breaks me. We were made to love each other. We were made to care for each other. We were made to carry one another’s burdens, but we don’t have to carry them alone or forever. We can hand them to God, knowing that He can carry anything we give Him and infinitely more.

What if we genuinely cared for people so much that we specifically prayed for them by name, that we went to God on behalf of, not just the people we see every day, but all the people that we run into and might never see again? What if we saw people for the souls they are, souls that are experiencing the ups and downs of life just like we are? Mr. Rogers had a heart for people, just as Jesus calls us to do. We could definitely all take some notes.

Another thing that stuck out to me was how present he was in each moment. Whoever he was talking to at the time was his sole focus. He told the reporter on the phone that talking to him was the most important thing he was doing in that moment. So very often, I glaze over as I go through moments. I pay just enough attention to respond. I let thoughts of what I need to do next distract my attention from what’s happening right in front of me. Mr. Rogers seemed to always be completely present, noticing emotional cues and small details about the other person that you could only understand by really focusing on them. I absolutely love that. Giving the person in front of us our full attention is such a simple way of showing God’s love to others. I really could use some work in this department. My introverted self is so focused on getting through a conversation without saying something totally awkward, that I forget about the other person. I’ve got some work to do on my intentional living.

The overall tone of the parts of the movie with Mr. Rogers was patient, calm, caring, and genuine. I couldn’t help but think how he (the real Mr. Rogers) must have shaped a lot of my personality as I was growing up. When I was a kid, I watched a lot of TV (I played a lot too…). I had my routine, certain things that I absolutely had to watch when they came on every day. Mr. Rogers was definitely one of those shows. Every day, I would watch this sweet man talk about feelings and how to handle them properly. As an emotional, sensitive person, that really resonated with me, even as a kid. My other afternoon PBS must-watch was the Joy of Painting with Bob Ross. I loved how quiet and calm he was, and how he could always take a mistake and make it into something beautiful anyway. These two calm, sensitive men were a big part of my childhood and I honestly think they shaped my personality. As I’ve grown older, I’ve actually gotten more outspoken (if you know me, I know that’s hard to believe), so much more cynical, and a lot more impatient. Watching that movie made me remember how I used to be, and how far I’ve come (good and not so good). It made me remember to slow down, and remember to enjoy moments as they happen.

So, I highly recommend the movie if you haven’t seen it yet. It’s emotional, for sure, but man does it make you think. Plus, the nostalgia alone is totally worth it. On a related note – as I said, I usually try to steer clear of these kinds of movies, but there have been a couple of others that I’ve seen fairly recently that I recommend as well: Saving Mr. Banks was so good, as well as Christopher Robin. Bring a tissue. They’ll break your heart, but put it back together by the end. On the other hand, do not watch Wind River, whatever you do. It’s not worth the emotional trauma. It’s just not. I thought, “I like Jeremy Renner, it got pretty good reviews, this will be good.” Just don’t. It’s not a bad movie, but, ugh, is it so very sad.

I’m thankful for date nights where we can just focus on each other. I told hubby yesterday that a lot of times I’m so focused on being a mother, that I forget to be a wife as well. Having time to refocus on him and our relationship as husband and wife is just what I need from time to time.

Super old pic that hubby’s cousin took of us while we were dating… circa 2009. Yikes.

Balance.

I think I blame my blood pressure medicine (?), but I just have, like, zero will to write at the moment. I have no motherly wisdoms. I have no funny, relatable story to share. I’m just here, trying to soak up every minute of every day while also being productive. And every day I wind up disappointed because, once again, I couldn’t find the balance. For the last couple of weeks, this means that I’ve gotten so many hours in for work, but my kid is constantly in a mood from lack of enough attention (at least she thinks so, anyway), and my dishes and laundry are piled high. As I’m writing this out, I should be in the kitchen putting away the clean dishes and filling the dishwasher back up, but, I finally just clocked out of work like 20 minutes ago (it’s TEN THIRTY PM) and I really just wanted to lay down. I’m tired. And I feel like I say that a lot, but it’s the truth. I was getting so good about taking a walk every morning… I had even added some running into those walks and was just getting to the point where I didn’t feel like I was absolutely dying when I came inside. But, now, I’m pretty sure it’s been about a week since I did any sort of physical activity, and I’m feeling it. Starting all over again sounds awful. Being out of shape is awful. Ah, the conundrum of life.

Baby girl is going to be two NEXT MONTH, and this mama is having a hard time dealing. When I worked at the daycare, the one year olds were always my favorite – they could interact with you and do activities, but they didn’t sass back much yet. I hated when the kids in my class had to move up, but there were always more kids coming right behind them. A whole new set of kiddos that were the perfect age. The fact that reality is not that way… that my baby will be two, and there’s nothing I can do about it and there’s not another little baby waiting patiently behind her and I have to keep moving and growing with her and she WON’T STOP GETTING OLDER. I’m a mess. I can (just a little bit) understand why some people just keep having babies… mostly, I just want her to be a baby again. Like I said, I’m a mess.

Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love this stage she’s in… except for when I don’t, haha. She’s so smart and understands so much. We haven’t actually seen Santa yet this year. She’s seen him portrayed on TV, and we’ve read The Night Before Christmas about a thousand times, and we’ve talked about who he is and what he does. This afternoon, I went to get her out of bed after her nap. She usually lays there and talks until I go in, so I didn’t think much of it when I went in there today and she was talking. She jerked around and smiled at me and said, “I was talking to Santa!” I laughed and asked her if she told Santa what she wanted for Christmas. She got so excited and said, “Santa’s awesome! He bringing me books!” So, I guess “Santa” needs to find some books to bring. This makes my heart happy. I love the fact that books make her so happy.

This same sweet kid also yells, “no” at me or, “I ‘note’ want to!” about fifty times a day now… so there’s that. I’m not feeling that part of this lovely stage at all. Asking her to turn her “listening ears” on, complete with pretending to turn knobs on our ears, before I ask her to do something is working wonders for getting her to listen at the moment, but I’m sure that won’t last too long. She’s so emotional about everything, but she can’t convey those emotions properly yet… it just comes out in flops and tears, sometimes the dramatic throwing of her body onto the nearest piece of furniture like she’s a Disney princess, or, my favorite one so far – she put her hand up to her head, fell back into my arms, and said, “I tan’t go on!” Good grief.

Baby girl sitting in her great grandmother’s rocking chair on one of our Thanksgiving stops.

Thanksgiving was good, but busy. We had three places to go and baby girl stayed up way past bedtime two nights in a row… yeah, not pretty. We are so very blessed that we both have so much family close by, but man does it make for busy holidays. When I was pregnant, hubby and I agreed that we would tell people that they could come to our house to see us on holidays, that we weren’t going to drag our kid all over creation. For one, our mid-renovation-for-two-years house just isn’t equipped to handle a bunch of people. For two, it’s just really not fair or feasible to ask everyone else to work around our one small family. So, we trudge from one house to the next, trying not to eat too much and save room for the next stop but failing miserably, and worrying that we’re not giving each stop enough time. As I said, all our family is local, so it’s just a drive across town from one stop to the next, but there’s only so much food and fun you can squeeze in before you have to move on. If we ever get our house together and we have Thanksgiving here, I might change my tune. I might prefer the trudging to having a house full of people. But, I don’t know… I’ll let you know if it ever happens. As far as traditions go, I feel like on both sides of our family, they have changed immensely over the last few years, mostly as grandparents have passed away. The only steady thing is the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade, I have to watch it every year. I was so excited to share it with baby girl this year… she was not really having it. She kept begging us to go to her room with her and play. It was like we were torturing her making her watch TV. Poor baby. As I’ve said before, the house we live in was the only house I knew for my granny. This was her house. And this was where we came for holidays, family dinners, birthday parties, everything. It feels so weird for it to be empty on special occasions. That’s why I’m hoping someday, it can be that house again. As introverted as my husband and I both are, we’re also both family people, and having a house full of family just seems right. Now, if someone could win the lottery and share a little with us so we could finish our renovations, that would be great! All kidding aside, I love how life has come full circle and we call this house home.

Thanksgiving

The last few weeks have been an emotional rollercoaster. This whole going to the doctor thing is for the birds. I have several bible devotions I want to share with you guys, but they all coincide with things that were happening in my life at the time. So, I think I’m going to do things a little differently this time and actually date these entries, just to keep things straight. I might also interject with some details for clarification.

Nov. 6

Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Isaiah 41:10

This is God speaking to the Israelites, but I feel like if we are His people too, it applies to us as well. Several years ago, I had to go get an ultrasound on a “lump” in my breast. I was really scared, and my best friend texted me this verse the morning I went. It was a comfort to hold onto. Yesterday, I went and got some blood work done, and today the results were posted on my chart online. It just says “abnormal blood chemistry.” I have no idea what that means. I made the mistake of googling it, and it could mean anything as minor as dehydration or as serious as bone cancer or a blood disease.

I’m trying so very hard not to freak out or fear the worst. In looking for this verse again, I was reading through some other passages in Isaiah, and was reminded how big God is and how small I am. Whatever is going on with me, it’s just a tiny puzzle piece in the grand scheme of things. He’s holding it, just like He’s holding every moment of every single person’s life. He’s in control and my worry is not needed.

I’m not quite to the point of having unexplainable peace about the situation just yet, I just found out 30 minutes ago. But, I am clinging to God’s promises, the fact that He holds me, and that His will is perfect.

Nov. 7

Into your hand I commit my spirit; you have redeemed me, O Lord, faithful God… I will rejoice and be glad in your steadfast love, because you have seen my affliction; you have known the distress of my soul.

Psalm 31:5&7

I was not okay yesterday. The unknown completely freaks me out. I was trying to cling to God’s goodness, and to trust in His plan – but I was struggling.

When the doctor’s office finally called, I was so appreciative of the woman on the phone. She explained what was going on [high cholesterol and high liver enzymes] very calmly and was reassuringly positive. She calmed me down immediately. But then what did I do? I took what she said and started to worry and speculate. I forgot to praise God for the comfort He sent.

Then, I called my mom to tell her what they said, and I had a very good conversation with her. I hung up feeling better. I forgot to praise God.

Last night, I went to worship team practice for the first time in FOREVER. Before we prayed to begin, I was talking to a couple of people about what was going on. Our piano player has a doctorate in nursing, and she assured me that the liver enzymes were related to the cholesterol. Our sound guy agreed, and said the same thing had happened to him. I felt SO much better about everything. Practice was awesome – we sang songs that I love, I worshipped. But, again, I forgot to thank God for the comfort He sent me in those people.

Only when I sat down to do a devotion today did I realize what God had done. I literally had just posted a quote last night from one of my previous blog posts about how God is good even when I make myself too busy to see it… talk about stepping on my own toes.

Nov. 20

Great is our Lord, and abundant in power; His understanding is beyond measure… sing to the Lord with thanksgiving; make melody to our God on the lyre!… but the Lord takes pleasure in those who fear Him, in those who hope in His steadfast love.

Psalm 147:5, 7, 11

Thanksgiving is on my mind today; partly because the holiday is coming up next week, but also because I just have so much to be thankful for.

Hubby and I were talking last night, and I realized at some point during like a five minute span, he had said, “I’m sorry,” to me about a dozen times; it wasn’t because he had done anything wrong, but because I kept stating things that were wrong with me or kept complaining about this or that. I got so frustrated with myself that I was focusing so much on all the negative things in my life. Yes, I have aches and pains; yes, my health is questionable at the moment; no, I didn’t get everything done today that I had planned to; yes, I am an emotional wreck about my baby growing up; no, our house isn’t exactly how we want it; no, we dont have the money to do everything we want to do… I could go on forever. BUT, I should be able to go on forever about my blessings. Everybody has aches and pains as they age, and I should feel grateful that I’m able to grow older; I am convinced that my circumstances have brought me exactly where I’m supposed to be while I’m having these health issues- God’s got it; my to-do list isn’t as important as God’s; I have a sweet baby girl that I prayed and prayed for, and she is healthy and growing; we have somewhere comfortable to lay our heads and spend our time; we are abundantly blessed to have what we need and more. Even if we didn’t have all that, we have hope in His steadfast love and He takes pleasure in us. WHAT MORE DO WE NEED? Not a thing.

My prayer today, and every day forward, is that I keep my life in a heavenly perspective. I have NOTHING to complain about – and if I think I do, that’s just satan distracting from my blessings so that I’ll forget to praise God for them, and so I’ll forget to use them for His glory. [Funny story – Jim’s message at church this morning was called, “I have a complaint.” Some awesome people did a skit (which I only saw part of in rehearsal) and he preached a message of thanksgiving. I didn’t get to see it all because of a busy, family-filled day ahead that warranted me to leave early and put my toddler down for a nap, lest she be cranky for the rest of the day. But, I definitely need to go back and watch the video. I know it’s the season, but God so very often lays the same theme on both our hearts. I love how He reinforces His word to me through Jim ❤]

Nov. 21

I will extol you, my God and my king, and bless your name forever and ever. Every day I will bless you and praise your name forever and ever. Great is the Lord, and greatly to be praised, and His greatness is unreachable.

Psalm 145:1-3

Jim asked us to think about what would make someone praise God this way. He said, in his opinion, it is because they have needed God and He rescued them; they see God’s hand in their lives; they have “pass[ed] through the limitations of self and the world and stepped into the kingdom where God is God and they catch a glimpse of what He can do, while at the same time realizing there is so much more that they can’t even begin to comprehend.” Have I experienced God like this? OH, YES I HAVE. Many times. So why do I forget to praise Him every day for who He is and what He’s done?

I need to approach Him every day with thanksgiving, recognizing who He is and what He’s done for me.

So, there’s all the entries I wanted to share with you about this. Thursday afternoon I went back to the doctor. It was kind of a long visit, but I did go over my long list of concerns with her. As far as the liver enzymes go, she said that most likely I just have a fatty liver and need to change my diet. She said it could also be my gallbladder, which I’ve been having trouble with off and on for over 10 years… so I’m kind of hoping it’s that and we can take it out and move on. I go Tuesday for an ultrasound of my abdomen to see what’s going on. She also had me do more bloodwork for a food allergy test with the possibility of a more comprehensive one pending the results. She’s referring me to a dermatologist and a chiropractor as well. I feel a little ridiculous, but I’ve been neglecting (actively ignoring) my health for so long, it is nice to have a plan… even if it does make me feel like I’m 95 years old. I’m thankful that I have the opportunity to address all these issues.

More than food.

Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing?

Matthew 6:25

Background courtesy of our sunflower field excursion the other night. I can’t get enough of these pictures!

I guess life is more than food, although I REALLY enjoy it. All kidding aside – when Jesus tells me not to be anxious, I sit up and listen, because I am so very often anxious. I know I’ve done this verse before, and I know I have probably already said what I’m going to say somewhere before, because this verse always reminds me of a specific time in my life. When the husband and I were first married, we didn’t have a lot of extra money. In fact, it was super tight. We lived in an apartment downtown with original hardwood floors that we loved, but it was really probably out of our budget. We miraculously always had enough money for our bills, but not much else. There were times when I honestly can’t tell you where we found the money to buy the things we needed. There were times when I would find a restaurant gift card that I would have sworn that we already used. There were SO MANY times when our families helped out above and beyond what any family should do. Not once did we ever doubt that we would be okay. We KNEW God was taking care of us. There was no other way we could have gotten through it.

In his devotion today, Jim talked about focusing more on the spiritual. He said, “What do we spend more time thinking about? Does it make sense for us to be concerned about the things that serve us or the things that serve God?” Are we seeking first the kingdom or seeking to satisfy our stomachs?

To me, it all goes back to distractions. Yes, God provides for us, and that should be enough. But instead of being content with our blessings from Him, we let the world, satan, tell us that we need more and that we can get it ourselves.

I felt slightly convicted as I read this. Ever since the weather [finally] got cooler, I’ve been justifying to myself (if you don’t know me, just ask my husband… I can rationalize just about anything to death to justify it if I want to. He recently likened it to a superpower that I usually use for evil, haha) why I need new fall clothes: “I’ve had these shoes since 2005, this sweater is baggy on me now, I wore the same shirt twice in one week,” …the excuses go on and on. I keep telling myself that if I’m happier with the way that I look, I won’t be so distracted, I’ll be happier in general, I’ll be more motivated… and all these things may be true. BUT, I don’t necessarily think that my clothes need to change. Maybe, my attitude needs to change. Maybe, I need a more grateful, contented attitude that sees that I’m already taken care of physically, but more importantly, spiritually. How’s that for a thought?

The background to this one I took several years ago on my husband’s family farm. Just like old barns, we can choose to see our weathering as a blessing of life, or as a distraction, something that needs to be fixed up and painted to be worth anything.

Coffee.

Warning: slight mention of breasts ahead.

So this morning, I posted on Facebook about how I felt like I needed more coffee (which is pretty much my sentiment every morning.) This stinkin blog is called coffeemama. I’m kind of obsessed with coffee. I went to the lady doctor today (don’t worry, I’ll spare you the details) and left having had bloodwork done to check my thyroid and cholesterol, and a prescription for an EKG that I still have to go do.

She checked my breathing and heartbeat several times and then finally looked at me and asked, “has anyone ever told you that you have an irregular heartbeat?” I kind of smiled and said, “no, but I’m not surprised.” Heart issues run in my family… on both sides. Plus, I have felt my heart “flutter” many times before and sometimes it just starts beating really fast for no reason. Yeah, I figured. But the next question hurt my soul. “Do you drink caffeine?” Yes, yes I do. After recommending that I cut down a bit, she still ordered all sorts of tests to rule out serious issues. Before leaving, I mentioned that I have been having some breast pain, and wanted to make sure everything was okay with my breast exam. She assured me it was, and then added, “caffeine could cause that, too.” Ugh.

What happened between when I used to drink espresso and go right to bed and now, when coffee makes my boobs hurt? Years happened, I suppose. I was thinking about that the other day. I’ve traded in the late night café mocha of my high school days for an early evening cup of ginger probiotic tea. PROBIOTIC TEA. How old am I? My mind and my body sorely disagree on that subject.

Summer? Fall?

I’m having some serious cognitive dissonance over here. It’s September, and in my cold-weather-loving mind, it’s (un)officially fall and I’m ready to break out all the fake leaves and pumpkins, amazing-smelling pumpkin candles, and my sweaters. However, it was 90 degrees here today and we’re going on a beach vacation soon. I can’t quite get my mind straight. [Over] half of me wants to just take off running toward pumpkin spice everything and never look back, but the other part of me is trying on bathing suits and packing a beach bag. I’m so lost and confused. As I’ve said before, I am not a summer girl. I’m so, so ready to say goodbye to it. But then, a beach vacation in the fall is just not seasonal. Ugh. I guess I have to hold off on pretending that fall is here until we get back. And, seriously, pretending is all I’m doing, because as I said, it was 90 here today. The weather I’m dreaming of won’t actually be here for at least another month, more realistically two.

[I’m going to show how incredibly weird I am, but does anyone else have a mental seasonal calendar in their head? Mine’s like a square. Fall (September, October, and November) is at the bottom, then Winter is on the right side (December, January, February), and so on, continuing counterclockwise, three months at a time. HOW STRANGE AM I?? Like, I literally picture this in my head every time I think about months or seasons. Maybe I’ll illustrate it one day so everyone else can have a glimpse of how weird I am.]

Picture from last year’s vacation. This hat was too big last year, now it doesn’t fit her head at all. So many changes.

I am, however, excited to go on vacation with baby girl. The beach is not my ideal vacation spot, but I will love watching her experience everything. We went last year, when she was about 7.5 months old. She loved it, but there was a hurricane and we got evacuated after only being there like a day and a half. Pray that there won’t be any hurricanes this year! Baby girl is so smart and expressive, and loves exploring and learning. I think this will be so much fun. And I’m excited for all the amazing pictures we’ll get (bahaha, probably not.) Also pray for this momma and her husband as we travel with a toddler, stay in strange places with a toddler, and royally mess up our routine-loving toddler’s schedule. Yikes. That part is making me more than a little nervous. But, I’m so very thankful and grateful to be able to get away for a while. This summer has not been very kind to my whole family, and I think we all need a change of pace.

Season.

It was pretty cool here Friday, like 70 degrees and cloudy. I’m. So. Happy. It has been so hot and dry here lately, I’m pretty sure we went three whole weeks without rain. When I went to write this blog post, I looked up the word, “pluviophile,” because I had read somewhere that it referred to someone who loves rain, and thought, “that’s me!” Much to my disappointment, that’s not a real, Webster’s recognized word. But, it still describes me. I legit start getting antsy when it hasn’t rained in a while, and almost a little depressed. So, the last little while had been adding some extra emotional stress to my days. It has finally rained and I am so much more calm than I have been. I’m certain most people are the opposite, and hate when it rains for days on end. So, either way, someone somewhere is miserable no matter what the weather is doing. That’s a happy thought.

Anyway, I was driving home from the store on Friday and got to thinking. I used the “cooler” weather as an excuse to wear my favorite shirt, which is long sleeved. Baby girl was babbling and singing in the backseat. We had just bought doughnuts. It was Friday. And the weather felt ah-mazing. I felt so full of happiness. I wondered why in the world it couldn’t feel like that all the time, I would be so much more comfortable and happy. God spoke to my heart very plainly and immediately – “you wouldn’t appreciate the cool as much without the hotter months.” Yep, true. No, I don’t necessarily ever get tired of the cooler (even cold) weather (I know, I’m weird), but there is something different about that first hint of crisp air after months and months of sweltering heat; it’s a happiness that just fills my entire soul. I can only imagine that people who love warm weather feel a similar happiness when spring makes an appearance after a cold winter.

That got me thinking – in our lives we go through different seasons as well. We have good, comfortable seasons. We have awful, miserable seasons where it feels like everything is hitting us at once. We have mundane seasons where we’re merely trudging through. We have all sorts of times in our lives that make us experience all sorts of things. Would we recognize the good without having gone through the bad? If we don’t experience hardships to some degree, would we take our good times for granted? I honestly think so. I don’t think we can truly recognize God’s light if we’ve never experienced darkness. God knows the balance, He knows exactly what we need to grow into the exact person He wants us to be. The hard part, for me anyway, is remembering to look for the blessing and/ or the lesson when I’m going through the valleys of life. It’s easy to get caught up in the “why me?!” of it all, that I miss the point. Only after, when the next blessing comes along, do I look back and say, “oh, I get it now.” Or, when times are good, I still dwell on negative, minuscule things that don’t matter, rather than enjoy what’s going on around me, and more importantly be grateful for it. The thing I need to work on is enjoying the present and being thankful for it – whatever it looks like and however miserable I may think it to be. If we’re only sitting around waiting for the good times to come along, we not only miss the present, but we also build up the thing we’re looking forward to so much, that it almost becomes disappointing when it finally happens. Does that make any sense? Maybe it’s just me.

As I was writing this, Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 came to mind, especially verse 1:

For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under the sun.

It may be cliché and remind me of a Byrds song, but it’s true. The thing we have to remember is that whatever is going on in our lives, God CAN and WILL use it for our good if we allow Him to. (Romans 8:28)

And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for all those who are called according to His purpose.

Do I believe that? Wholeheartedly, but I forget that I believe it sometimes. Plus, I think I’m guilty of applying this in my mind only to big things. But, even small, everyday things like the weather can be used as well. I just have to be open to see it.

Learn to do good.

Wash yourselves, make yourselves clean; remove the evil of your deeds from before my eyes; cease to do evil, learn to do good; seek justice, correct oppression; bring justice to the fatherless, plead the widow’s cause.

Isaiah 1:16&17

Jim actually had verse 18 as today’s verse, but he referenced the whole passage, verses 10-20, which I loved poring over. This is SO GOOD. Go read Jim’s devotion.

So, God is speaking to the people of Sodom and Gamorrah here, but He could very well be speaking to us today as well. The people referenced here were seemingly doing all the right things – giving offerings, praying, having celebrations and feasts – God says they are vain offerings, a burden to Him. These people were living in sin and only doing these things to keep up appearances. Jim called it “playing church” and we’ve got to be careful not to fall into the same thing. We have to constantly check our motivation.

Verses 16 & 17 really spoke to me, though. For one, God doesn’t just tell them that they are doomed; in fact, He offers them a way out; he offers them salvation. Our town, our nation, our world is a scary place to be a lot of the time. Sometimes, it can feel like everybody has gone completely mad. Our little town has been overtaken by drugs. Over the last week or so there have been FOUR mass shootings in the United States. FOUR. It’s hard for me to fathom how someone can be so hopeless that they feel that kind of thing is the answer. God tells us that it’s not hopeless, and I’m so very thankful that it’s true and that I believe it.

I don’t think anything around here is going to change, however, if we don’t listen to what God says to do about it. If we’re only focused on ourselves, we’re doing it wrong. If we play at worship just to make ourselves look better, we’re doing it wrong. If we’re so focused on rules and traditions that we don’t see or do anything about the need around us, we’re doing it wrong. We need to learn to do good.

Equipped.

Funny story – two days before the incident I spoke of in my last blog post happened, I wrote this:

Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God.

Colossians 3:16

The deeper I get into God’s word and the more frequently I read it, the more I truly understand what this means. I love being so rooted in the Word that whatever I’m going through, I can recall an applicable verse or reference. I love the comfort God’s promises give me when I’m going through difficult times or having doubts. And I love how God uses it to point out my sins and teach me lessons. I am very thankful that I can rely on His word.

This also tells us to use it to help and bless others. When other people see the Word in us, they can’t help but be changed somehow. I pray that I always use and portray God’s word this way.

Huh, who knew that I’d be living this out in just a couple of days? God did. And He gave me words to remind myself to cling to Him, to not get bogged down by circumstances. He has been training and equipping me for this very season, and I’m so very thankful.

Rubbish.

Something I wrote in April that spoke to me again when I read it the other night:

But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ. Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For His sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ…

Philippians 3:7&8

Jim reminded us that if anyone was on the fast track to “making it”, it was Paul. He had the right social standing, he appeared to be righteous under the law, he was going places according to the world’s standards. Jim also pointed out that Paul never names anything specific that he gave up in this passage, as if it didn’t matter anyway. [Link to devotion] Jim challenged us to think about what we hold “most dear” and where we find our identity.

When I first thought about this, I honestly got a little defensive. A lot of my identity is being a wife and a mother. But, I know God has called me to these things, so why would I have to give them up? They are important to me. I was also thinking that my birthright and social standing couldn’t compare to Paul’s, but then a thought occured to me: I was born in a country that was built on freedom, I have food on my table and a roof over my head, I have money to do and buy the things I need and want. How much of my identity is in all of these things? Much more than I care to admit. What if God called me to give it all up? Would I still praise God if I were on the street, hungry, and being persecuted for my beliefs?

I think one important thing, probably the most important, is perspective. When we truly see Jesus for who He is, literally nothing else can compare. He is so big that our titles, our money, our lives seem so small in comparison. We realize that following Him should be our whole identity. In His power and presence, the biggest problems don’t even seem like minor setbacks. In a heavenly, divine perspective, worldly things seem minute. It’s all rubbish.

So, I’m not saying that my roles as wife and mother aren’t important, but they are just that, roles that God gave me to fulfill His purpose. My identity should be found in Him.

I’ve been thrown into working on the whole perspective thing… our family has been dealing with an issue the last few days. It’s not life-threatening, but definitely potentially life-changing. I was driving yesterday, and remembered a thought I had several months ago. Life was so good and my heart was so full. I remember thinking that I needed to praise God for these good times, because there are inevitably bad times too. I was trying to hold onto that feeling of joy so that I could remember it the next time joy and praise didn’t come so easily. Well, that time is now. One of those inevitable bad times is now. And I’m trying to cling so very tightly to God’s goodness and promises.

We got some good news today, but it’s still a waiting game. I fully believe that God heard the prayers of everybody who prayed for us over the last few days – and it was a lot of people. I know He will continue to be with us as we go through the next few weeks (and forever), but I already have such peace about this situation. I already have assurance that God answered the cry of His people, and He will continue to bless us immensely through this ordeal. I KNOW that He can use this for our good. I just pray that we don’t get so distracted by our circumstances that we forget to look for the blessings and the lesson. I pray that we can use this to help someone else some day. I pray that we can continue to cling to our faith in God’s unending goodness, because it is abundantly present in our lives.