Tag: Christmas

Seasonal.

It’s that time of year again when I have to preach to myself about expectation, disappointment, and contentment. I love the holidays. I love the family time, the food, the decorations, and all the accompanying activities. It’s so stinking easy to get wrapped up in wanting to do all the things. It happens to me every year. And every year I learn yet again that time is what you make it and it’s all about perspective.

That awkward, in-between two great seasons look where dead mums and sparkly lights coexist.

October is one of my favorite months. It was over so quickly. I was getting all depressed the other day thinking about all the fall seasonal things I wanted to do and didn’t get to – go apple picking, go to different pumpkin patches, carve a pumpkin… the list goes on. But then I got to thinking about all the things we did get to do: went to our local pumpkin patch three times, took pictures in the sunflowers, picked out pumpkins, went to a trunk or treat at our church, went trick or treating in our neighborhood – just to name a few. We did so much, and we did it together. You all, it really is all about perspective. You can choose to focus on the things you didn’t do, don’t have, etc., or you can look at what you did do and do have and realize that you’re so incredibly blessed.

It feels like November has flown by. For most of the month, my daughter and I have been sick on and off, and I’ve had more migraines in the last couple of months than I ever remember having all together like this. That’s probably part of the reason I feel like I’ve missed it. I’m trying to enjoy every day, but the days are running together quickly. This is the time of year I wait for all year, and I feel like it’s passing me by. This is truly a test of living in the moment, and I don’t want to fail.

On Thanksgiving, like so many others, we watched the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade. I love the tradition and dependability of it- that every year, no matter what’s going on in my life, I can count on the parade to bring me some superficial joy as it signals the beginning of the holiday season. I think my favorite part is seeing the Rockettes, and I told my husband I think it’s because the show seems like a remnant of an earlier time. My husband and I were excitedly anticipating the parade, and I had been trying to talk it up to our three year old. The last couple of years, she has had zero interest in watching it and would get mad that we wanted to watch it. We were talking about it and I told her that she could see Santa at the end. She watched it with us, but about every five minutes asked if it was over yet. After she finally saw Santa, she looked at me and said, “I liked seeing Santa, but I didn’t like the parade.” I said, “Oh, well, it seemed like you liked the dancing.” She said, “I did!” Then I said, “Didn’t you like the floats?” “Oh, I loved seeing the floats!” she said. I explained that all those things made up the parade. She asked, “So does that mean I liked the parade?” “Yes, if you liked all the things about the parade, then that means you liked the parade.” “I didn’t like the parade,” she concluded.

The logic of our three year old didn’t seem too logical, but then I started thinking about how often times we think we are unhappy with our lives; we don’t see that our blessings make up our lives. We basically say, “God, I like that you love me and made me, but I don’t like the life you gave me.” I can almost hear him saying, “Don’t you like the people I gave you to love?” “Well, yes, of course. I love my friends and family!” “And it seems like you like the food I gave you to eat and the mountains, the ocean, the rivers,  and the changing seasons.” “Oh, yes,” we would say, “I’m so grateful for those things.” “Well, those things are your life.” I’m not trying to downplay that fact that there are parts of our lives that aren’t pleasant. We all experience heartache. But, it’s our focus that’s everything. During the parade, there were A LOT of commercials and I was kind of annoyed by how many there were, and how often. But, I didn’t dislike the parade itself just because I thought there were too many commercial interruptions. In the same way (this is a loose analogy, go with me here, haha), we have hard times, annoying times, unexpected times, but they aren’t who we are. They are just interruptions in the bigger picture. We are blessed, whether we choose to see it or not.

“How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them! If I would count them, they are more than the sand. I awake, and I am still with you.” -Psalm 139:17&18

We awake, and God is still with us, every single day. Whether we’re driving around looking at Christmas lights and baking cookies, or just sitting on the couch and cuddling in our jammies, God is there. His love, mercy, grace, and blessings follow us wherever we go. He is good always, and nothing in this world can change that. Nothing. Happy holiday season, y’all. I pray that we all look beyond the stuff and all the things we think we have to do, and just bask in the vastness of God’s love.

Boldness.

…for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.

2 Timothy 1:7

I know I’ve done this verse more than once before, and it seems like I even remember doing it pretty recently. But Jim’s message on Sunday [you can watch it here] was about choices, and I thought this related so well. He said that he read somewhere that we make like 35,000 choices a day. That sounds insane, but I believe it. He asked us how many times a day we consider God’s will before we choose?

That got me thinking about my motivation for the choices I make. Most of my choices are made from a desire for comfort. How many times a day do I do something because the alternative seems too scary or I’m too timid and shy to do what I think I really should? ALL THE TIME. I keep quiet instead of complementing someone. I let someone else step up to help that person in need because I’m too scared. For crying out loud, I pass by a Facebook status that makes me happy for or proud of the person posting it and don’t hit the “like” button because social interaction, even behind a screen, makes me nervous. All the time I let satan tell me that my “personality flaws” overpower what God is asking me to do. I let him tell me that it’s okay to indulge myself or to give in to fear. But, the Holy Spirit inside me is stronger that my personality. [Insert a thought I had that I typed out months ago on my phone, waiting for the perfect opportunity to share: “Our emotions, our personality ‘flaws’ are our thorns in our sides. They are there to keep us humble. If we didn’t have to strive for heavenly perfection, if we were already there, we wouldn’t need Jesus.”] As long as I accept and believe that the Holy Spirit is bigger, I don’t have to be bogged down by timidity and fear. I don’t have to let them control my choices. The funny thing is that this is a choice in itself. I can choose to listen to satan’s voice, or the Holy Spirit’s guidance. My choices are not random or arbitrary, though they may feel that way to me as I skate through life. I’m making a choice. I need to be so much more careful about making conscious decisions to listen to the Holy Spirit.

Confession time: during the month of December, I wrote in my bible journal five times. FIVE TIMES. And you want to know what’s even worse than that? I went to God even less. The times I did write were out of guilt, and I let myself become distracted while doing it. I only did it to check it off my list, to be able to say that I did it. And yes, we had a great holiday season and I kept my expectations in check, and I enjoyed each moment as it happened. But, I never went to God with thanksgiving for any of it. I never slowed down and took time to ponder the birth of Jesus and what His presence here on earth means for my life. I neglected going to His word and spending time in His presence daily, and boy does it show. I have felt so disconnected from God and His will lately, and my CHOICES made it happen. God didn’t change, and He surely didn’t go anywhere. He’s still there, waiting patiently for me to come to my senses. If I treated my friends the way that I sometimes treat God, they would be long gone; no sane person would put up with my crap. But God’s love is supernatural, His forgiveness is always waiting, and His mercy is relentless. He loves us like nobody else can and even when nobody else does. We don’t deserve it, but He loves us anyway. I’m so, so very grateful for that.

Satan stayed over for the holidays, but it’s time for him to leave now. I never should have invited him in the first place, but now he’s really overstayed his welcome. Lord, kick him out, and give me power and self-control to tell him, “no,” next time.

My kid looking grumpy about my cute photoshoot idea.

By the world’s standards, we had a wonderful Christmas – we spent time with family, cooked together, had a cute family photo by the tree, lots of presents for baby girl, good food… but what did we do for others? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. AND, the one time of year that secular radio stations play songs about Jesus, did I say anything to anybody? Did I use the season as a conversation-starter to tell someone who otherwise wouldn’t stop to think about it about Jesus’ love? NOPE. I really messed this one up and completely missed the point.

So, in relation to the new year, this is going to be the verse that I focus on. God didn’t give us a spirit of fear, but a bold spirit to overcome our fear. He didn’t create us to sit back and watch others live for Him, but gave us a heart for Him and His people. And he certainly didn’t allow us to be imperfect just to stay that way. We have the self-control we need already inside us through the Holy Spirit. Going into the new year with a renewed spirit of power and love and self-control is exactly what I need to live as God has called me to – boldly.

Cheer.

Bear with me, guys. I’ve been working on this particular post all week when I have time, so parts of the post were written at different times.

It’s the day before Christmas eve and I’m sitting here doing something I never do – holding my daughter while she takes a nap. She will be two next month, and I’m pretty sure I can count on one hand how many times we’ve done this since she started sleeping in her own bed at around four months. I don’t know if she’s getting sick, if she’s just growing, or if it’s simply the chaos of Christmas, but this kid has been out of whack for a couple of weeks. She whines ALL THE TIME (and if you know me, you know I can’t stand whining), she’s been sleeping way longer than normal at night, waking up later than usual (I slept in until 8 AM last Saturday – I literally haven’t done that since she was born), and being extra cuddly (which is so unlike her). It could be that her sleeping schedule keeps getting messed up because of various outings, or because of all the different and not-so-great-for-you food we’ve been letting her eat (like the entire snickerdoodle cookie she ate last night.) Whatever it is, she’s out of sorts. So, here we are, sitting in the chair in her room, all cuddled up in a blanket. She is still sniffling in her sleep from crying even after at least 45 minutes of sitting here. I feel bad, because I tried so hard to comfort her and get her to sleep in her bed like she does every other day. I told her no when she said she wanted to “cuddle mama,” because it has become to her a kind of distraction from doing things she doesn’t want to do. But, after her screaming uncontrollably for a few minutes, I couldn’t take it. She was sobbing so hard she could barely breathe. And as much as I love cuddling this sweet girl while she sleeps, I don’t want this to become a thing. I don’t want her to learn to scream uncontrollably when something isn’t really wrong because she knows that eventually she’ll get her way. I don’t want her to think that she can’t fall asleep on her own anymore and undo all the work we did getting her to sleep as well as she does. Why is this so hard?

Cuddling my whiny baby.

Now, it’s 1:30 AM and I’m still laying here awake. I stayed up to finish wrapping presents and now I’m wired. Hubby has been complaining more than usual that he’s tired, and I can visibly see that he’s exhausted. He hasn’t slept well in years, and he’s finally got a sleep study consultation scheduled next month (after much nagging on my part.) But, I feel like his sleeping has gotten worse recently… kind of around the time baby girl’s started being noticeably out of whack. I don’t know what’s going on, but between all the busyness of the season and worrying about my people’s sleep, I’m not sleeping either. I keep hearing baby girl talk in her sleep or cry out, and, bless his heart, hubby’s snoring isn’t super conducive to either of us getting much sleep. We’re a family of zombies lately.

I write all this to say that even though sometimes we think people’s holiday season looks picture-perfect, it’s more than likely not really. If you look at the December album on my Facebook, it looks like we have it all together. In reality we’re all so tired, I have about fifty of the same picture on my phone from trying to get that one perfect shot, we’re doing the third load of dishes today and somehow the sink is still full, the laundry is piled high, I still have people to buy Christmas gifts for, I’m worried about us getting sick (there are SO MANY germs out there right now), and I’m trying to find the balance of handling all this and just living in and enjoying the moment. Those are usually the only parts anyone ever sees. But, if you’ve been struggling, you’re not alone. No one’s holiday season is actually perfect; we just have to choose to see our own chaos, whatever it looks like, as perfect to us.

My kid was SUPER over opening Christmas gifts.

I’ve been super guilty in the past of building up my expectations (especially holiday expectations) so high that they can’t possibly be met, and then getting so disappointed when my “plans” didn’t turn out. I think I did better this year. I’ve been trying to live more intentionally. I’ve been trying to enjoy each moment for what it is instead of what I think it should be. God has shown me a lot lately that my plans are not His plans, and that’s perfectly fine because His plan is better. He keeps reminding me, and I’ve been trying to do better about just going with the flow and appreciating the ride. Movie nights with hot chocolate and matching pajama photos are fine, but do you know what else is great? Reading the same book with my daughter over and over again because she wants “mama read again,” taking a different way home than you normally would so your daughter can see the giant blow up Santa on top of the government building downtown, late-night dinner and grocery store runs with your husband to get a few last-minute gifts, staying up late to make biscuit dough for a Christmas brunch with your family, and sitting in the quiet room with the Christmas tree all lit up.

The everyday, unplanned, and messy moments are the moments. They make up the majority of our whole lives. If we just keep waiting and wishing for those fleeting picture-perfect moments, we will end up disappointed. Our lives will pass us by without us even realizing it.

Making goodies with my girl. Glad her daddy caught this “picture-perfect” moment because it lasted about two seconds.

Christmas and Easter.

Y’all, this is why I say that my kid doesn’t really play with toys. She does, but most don’t hold her attention for very long. She would rather play with random items that she can move from one place to another. When I looked down and saw this scene today, I thought it was a little ironic.

Ever since Easter, this basket of plastic eggs has been one of her favorite things to play with. She carries it around, takes the eggs out and puts them somewhere else, sometimes opening them and then shutting them again on the way, and then carries them one by one back to the basket. It could entertain her for hours.

Sometimes our kids don’t act like we think they “should.” They don’t play with the expensive toys they have, they don’t like the things we want them to. They are their own people. Life is like this is as well. Often times, we have very specific plans for our lives because the world tells us we should. But, God has much bigger, better plans, and life rarely looks like we think it should. Sometimes, living in the moment looks like a bunny basket of Easter eggs under the Christmas tree. And that’s okay.

Full disclosure, this started out as an Instagram post, but I got a little long-winded. I keep feeling uninspired to write, but apparently all I have to do is start, and the words come. I see you, satan, trying to keep me from my calling. Not cool.

Christmas in April

I’m not super great at writing on cue. I’m not going to promise to post daily, or even weekly for that matter. This past week, after starting all this craziness, every time I think about writing, I get really nervous. Add to that the fact that I’ve actually had a couple of visitors to my page, and my anxiety takes over; I have no idea what to write about.

In keeping with the “my sweet husband” theme [I’m probably going to talk about him a lot on here, I kind of think he’s great], I thought I would publish the first thing I actually typed out on my phone with the slight intention of doing something with. It was before last Christmas, and I was overwhelmed with all sorts of emotions: baby girl was going to be one soon, we were working on weaning from breastfeeding, the holiday season stresses and obligations, etc. I was laying in the bed and typed this out:

“I’ve been thinking back so much lately to last year, when we were eagerly awaiting the arrival of a baby we were actually terrified to meet. I was working SO MUCH, and we had barely moved into this house that was a torn apart wreck. One day, I worked for hours – like a ten hour day on my feet in a nasty house, getting ready for some auction. I was so exhausted driving home that I didn’t know whether I wanted to cry or just fall asleep. I pulled around the corner in our subdivision and saw that [hubby] had put up the outside Christmas lights. They were turned on and beautiful, and it instantly made everything better. Inside, he had set up the tree as well, so all we had to do was decorate it. Pregnancy hormones and exhaustion probably took over at that point. He knows exactly what I need ❤

Also thinking back on last year, I just remembered something else. After we decorated the tree we sat the little elf that used to be granny’s in the window. The living room was still a huge mess at that point, tools and paint everywhere, so we moved stuff around a lot. The next day, the elf was moved, but I wasn’t sure when it happened, and I just figured he was doing something and moved it out of the way. The next day, [hubby’s grandmother] had come over at some point, and after that I noticed that the elf had moved again. I just assumed that she had picked it up and put it down somewhere else, I still didn’t think much of it. The next morning, the elf was in a completely different room, and I got suspicious. I texted him and asked if he had been moving the elf. He acted totally surprised and denied having done any such thing. Every day after that, the elf was in a new place when I got up every morning. The fact that he took the time each morning before he left for work to move that elf, just to make me smile, is one of the best examples of how sweet and thoughtful my husband really is. I love him so very much.”

A little backstory for those who don’t know us – we moved into my granny’s old house while I was pregnant with baby girl and have been fixing it up pretty much ever since. It looks a lot different than it used to (thank goodness, because I used to not be able to walk in without crying), but every now and then I still get emotional about an item that used to be hers or a familiar smell. The elf I’m talking about always used to sit in a coffee can that someone had crocheted a stocking for on my granny’s hearth at Christmastime. It was really old when I was a kid, so I have no idea how old it is, but I like to call it the original elf on the shelf. It’s really old.

Anyway, basically, my husband is great and I’m really sentimental. Also, my love of Christmas is present all year and I don’t apologize for it. It’s only almost May and I’m SO ready for cooler weather again. Yeah… how do you end these things again? I’m so awkward.