Tag: comparison

Childhood.

I know I say this all the time, but being a parent is so hard. I love our daughter so much, and my husband and I make decisions about parenting that we have prayed about and talked about and agree on. But, it’s really hard to see the effects of these decisions on our girl. She already feels like she misses out because of her early bedtime (while also agreeing that she needs it, haha), but in the past year certain kids in our neighborhood have stopped coming over and I know it’s because of rules we have at our house. And that hurts my heart. She often asks why her good friend never wants to play anymore, and I’m not sure how to answer that.

Our sweet girl, watching her friend play with other kids from across the street 💔

Our girl is SEVEN, and one of my goals as a parent is to let her stay a child as long as possible. I don’t want her to have to worry about grown up things. I want her to use her imagination, to read books, to play outside. And I feel like I’m fighting a huge battle against most of the world. I’m not saying I want her sheltered, but the word “age-appropriate” is all I can think to say. Tonight I watched a child from our neighborhood put a toy gun to the other children’s heads and repeatedly pull the trigger while they were playing. That would not be acceptable at our house. I’m not judging other people and what is right for their family, I just think, as a whole, kids are exposed to way more than their little brains can handle. They’re still growing and learning, and putting the entire world at their fingertips is overwhelming. It’s overwhelming for me as an adult. The other day at breakfast our girl asked me for a smart watch – she said all her friends at school have one. I asked her what she would use it for, and she thought for a moment, then said, “To play music – my friends play music on theirs at school.” Besides the fact that it blows my mind that FIRST GRADERS have smart watches and are allowed to bring them to school, it also hurt my heart that she already wants things just because other kids have them. She didn’t even really know why she wanted one.

I pray that we can stay strong, that we can instill good values in our girl, that we can model emotional intelligence for her, that we can build a foundation of faith and trust so that she knows where to turn when the world is scary. I pray that we show her what really matters and not what the world says she needs.

Home Sweet Home.

Home. All kinds of people have often defined what home is. Comfort, peace, a soft landing place after a long day, just to name a few. Our daughter is a homebody (we are too). She LOVES being home. She would rather be there than anywhere. It makes going out to eat or going to church an issue every single time. She does not want to leave the house, even for something I know she will enjoy when she gets there [*ahem*, looking at you, school.]

My husband and I planned a trip coming up pretty soon that I KNOW our daughter will be excited about, because she has been talking about it since the last time we went. We told her the other morning, and she literally cried and said she didn’t want to go. She just wanted to stay home. Now, we’ve talked a lot about it since and I think she is getting more excited, but it’s a struggle.

Our daughter feeling completely at home on the grounds of Biltmore Estate a couple of years ago.

Her love of home keeps me so humble, and I just had this conversation with someone yesterday… I always think about that quote that floats around social media every now and then, “Remember that you prayed for what you have now.” And that’s SO TRUE. I have a husband who is my perfect partner in every way. We have a safe roof over our head in a safe neighborhood. We have a healthy, smart, beautiful child. We have a dog. We have enough money to put food on our table, to bless others, to get things we not only need but just want. I did, I prayed for all of this. So, when comparison and discontent creep in, our daughter’s love of our home keeps me in check. We have everything we need, and we’re comfortable and blessed.

Yesterday, we got a new shower installed in our daughter’s bathroom. It has probably needed to be replaced since we moved in, but we haven’t been able to do it until now. We lived with the old, stained, incredibly hard to clean textured tub from the ’70’s, but it always was something that bugged me about our house. Our daughter has cried and cried over the change in her bathroom. She loved the old tub. Last night as I put her to bed, she told me that home felt weird now because it had changed. Then she went into a long monologue about how much she loved home. She finished with, “Mama, can you make everywhere home?” Gosh, I wish I could.

Our home isn’t picture perfect, but it is the definition of comfort to our sweet girl.

I’m so thankful, humble, and blessed. I know that not all people, not all children have that safe space to land every day. And I pray that our home feels that way to anyone who comes into it. It’s a safe space, and you’re always welcome. There might just be dog hair everywhere and the kitchen may not be cleaned up from breakfast. But, people who love each other live here, and that’s really all that matters.

No good.

I’m going to be really honest for a second, because this has been on my heart a lot lately. All this “treat yo self” crap is just that. Crap. Yes, we need to refuel ourselves, eat right, exercise, spend time in the Word and in prayer, rest if that’s what our souls are needing. But as Christians we are literally called to go outside of our comfort zone. We are called to put others before ourselves. And you know what? That’s exactly the opposite of what the world tells us we “deserve.” Dismissing others’ feelings, opinions, desires because they don’t “make us happy” is a worldly point of view. It hurts others, and it hurts us. What if no one ever challenged what I thought? What if I lived blissfully in my own little bubble while people around me are hurting, maybe even because of something I’ve done? You all, I just can’t even properly find the words for this right now. If you’re tired, by all means, pour into yourself. But, pour Jesus into your cup. Pour His majesty in nature, His word, His forgiveness, His grace in there. Not self-help books, the world’s words, or anything else that the world offers. Those things are like salt water, and will leave you more thirsty than when you started. I’m preaching to the choir. Right now, I’m in a horrible cycle of doing just what I’ve been talking about. I keep looking for spiritual strength in all the places except the one place I can actually get it: Jesus’ arms.

I say to the Lord, “You are my God; I have no good apart from you.”
Psalm 16:2

No good apart from the Lord. That is a big truth to take hold of. Nothing in this life is good without Him, and absolutely NOTHING can take His place: not money, not a house, not a better job, not a spouse, not a child, not that trip to Target (hey, me 👋), not that new outfit or haircut, not a TV show, not music. Some of those are a little hard to swallow, but anything and everything that distracts us from the love of the Lord is not good, even if it isn’t inherently bad. Most distractions Satan throws at us aren’t. And it’s so easy to fall into thinking, “If I only had [insert whatever you want here], I’d be happy.” But ask anyone who’s actually gotten what they’ve wanted, there’s always something else that comes along to take its place. If we’re always waiting around for that next thing that we think will “make us happy,” we will miss the joy that God has for us – right here, right now. As Solomon frequently says in Ecclesiastes, “all is vanity.” All is shallow, all will leave us empty. The only purpose of this life is to love God and keep His commandments.
I think that’s where people get hung up a lot of the time. We don’t want to give up our stuff, even if it is making us miserable. We don’t want to give up our control, even though we don’t know what the heck we’re doing. We ask ourselves what if what we want to do is different than what God wants us to do? We get stuck on what we’re “giving up” to follow God. But one of the beautiful things about God is that He truly cares for us. He wants us to have joy, which is way better than temporary happiness. We’re trudging through life with a worldly perspective when we’ve been given the power to walk on top of it with a heavenly focus. He can fulfill desires we didn’t even know we had if we just surrender to Him. There is NO GOOD apart from Him. NONE.

Comparison.

We had baby girl’s birthday party yesterday, and were so blessed with an enormous amount of friends and family that came to celebrate with us. I ordered a cake from Main St. Bakery a couple of weeks ago, and I was excited to see what she came up with. Hubby went and got it while I put sweet girl down for a nap, then mom came and stayed with her while I went to church to set up. I was so happy with how it turned out. Her cakes are always beautiful, but this was absolutley gorgeous!
Could this be any more perfect?! I was in love with that cake! I didn’t want to cut it.

When we got home I posted a picture of it on Instagram. When I got back on later, I had a comment on my post from the illustrator of the Fancy Nancy books! She said it was brilliant, and I couldn’t agree more. Also, I was freaking out that she had commented on my photo! I may or may not have followed her immediately and now she probably thinks I’m crazy… but how awesome is that?!

If I’ve learned anything from Instagram, it’s that the world is actually pretty small, and everybody is a personal blogger. I see other people, mamas specifically (SO MANY), out there doing exactly what I’m doing, and I get discouraged. I start thinking, “she’s prettier, her pictures are more beautiful, her house looks like a magazine, she’s more outgoing than I am…” on and on. I fall down the comparison hole and it’s hard to climb back out. I wonder why anybody would care what I have to say when there are already so many “better” options out there. But then I’m gently reminded that I’ve been called to this. I don’t have to have the prettiest photos and I don’t have to shout louder than everyone else to be heard. I just have to be me, because God called me to speak in only a way I can, from experiences that are unique to me. And because He called me to this, He will be faithful to use what I’m giving Him; He will put my words in front of the exact person that needs to see them. He will use me if I get out of my own way and let Him.
For this reason I remind you to fan into flame the gift of God…
2 Timothy 1:6a