As I’ve said before, it takes me days, weeks, even sometimes months to process and formulate my words enough to share with you all. I have a lot written in my journal and typed out on my phone about personal things going on in my life right now, and I’m still working on feeling like I can share. At the moment, however, a huge amount of my thoughts are consumed by the current unrest in our nation. It’s taken me a few days to gather my thoughts, and I’m still not convinced that they are organized in the best way, but here they are.I feel like our nation is stumbling, and if we’re not careful, we will fall. We’ve stopped caring so much about one another and focused more on the idea of freedom. But, simply put, we can’t have liberty or pursue happiness if we don’t have life. People are suffering, and people are dying. And we’re over here worried about whether or not we can get a haircut. I try so hard not to get too political. Politics are a touchy subject with almost everyone. I hate politics. Politics are hard. But when politics overshadow people, I have a problem with that. When politics hurt the very people they are supposed to protect, I have a problem with that. And please, don’t ask me for a solution, because I don’t know. I acknowledge that finding one won’t be easy, but we at least need to start to try. Our job as Christians is to listen to one another, bear one another’s burdens. If we are dismissive of someone else’s feelings, or do nothing to address them, we are not doing our job. I find this concept to be very difficult in practice, but it should not deter me from trying.I’ve been silent lately simply because, astonishingly enough, I can’t find my words. I can’t find words to say I’m sorry, to apologize for unintentional ignorance, for being dismissive of issues that I just did not want to believe were actually issues. As I reflect on my childhood, I’m looking for where I missed the mark. My parents made sure that I understood that every single person is a child of God and no different than me. I was almost confused when they felt like they had to tell me that people who had different skin than I did were just as special and important and made to be loved… I couldn’t fathom that some people thought otherwise. I remember learning about racism in school, but for some reason I understood it to be something that happened in the past. I sincerely believed the world had moved on. I sincerely, and naively, thought that people who had such horrible thoughts about others were few and far between, and no one gave their opinions any weight at all. Even now, it’s 2020 for goodness sakes, we’re past these things, right? But we’re not. And I want to do whatever I can to rectify the present and change the future. It starts in my heart and it starts at home. I’ve been praying for God to show me where I’m lacking, where I need my heart softened, and where I can improve. And I’ve asked for the strength to change and the capacity to love my brothers and sisters even more.God has shown me so many times over the last few months that things I thought I had down pat still need work. He has shown me that stagnation is never good. He has flipped my world upside down and refuses to let me stay where I am, and I hate it, but I know it’s for my own good. I know He’s molding me, helping me to become the way He intended me to be – the best, holy, righteous version of me.I haven’t had much to say because words are just that, words. Without listening, growing, and taking action, they mean nothing.There’s a difference between simply knowing something and knowing something to the point that it drives you to action.We say we know God loves everyone and wants us to love others too, but do we know it to the point that we believe it and do something because of it? Do we just think it’s “nice” and go about our day as if we didn’t know it? One time, I remember Jim posing this question during one of his sermons: do we really believe if our belief doesn’t lead to action in some way? That question really resonated with me and has formed the basis of my thinking when I’m testing my own faith. The bible says even the demons believe in the one true God. They believe and shudder. (James 2:19) Their belief leads them to action- shuddering in the glory of the Lord.The thing about God is, He doesn’t need us, but He asks us to participate. Everything we are called to do we have to initiate. Sure, He will give us everything we need to do it and help us get there, but the fact remains: we have to move. Today is National Doughnut Day (as you may know, something near and dear to my heart) and Krispy Kreme is giving away free doughnuts. So here’s my loose analogy- knowing about the free doughnut doesn’t automatically put a doughnut in my hand. I still have to get in my car, drive to Krispy Kreme, and ask for the doughnut. Similarly, our knowledge of God’s existence doesn’t make anything happen. It doesn’t feed or clothe anybody. It doesn’t tell anybody about God’s love. It doesn’t mean we’re saved. And for some people that’s hard to grasp. I know I’m still learning and growing my way through it as well.The point of all this is to say: if you feel God tugging on your heart, move. Go, do. Start an uncomfortable conversation. Ask hard questions. Seek, learn, grow. God will give you what you ask in His will, and His will is for us to love Him and love others.