Tag: overstimulation

Emotions.

This year, Easter has looked a bit different. We didn’t have the big  family dinner or the egg hunts with cousins like we normally do. We didn’t have the traditional Easter ham or dessert table. With illness, medical procedures, appointments, and the general busyness of life, we just couldn’t make it work this year.

Last night, it all caught up with me: The heaviness of what we’ve been going through over the last month and a half and what we still face, of the feeling of not being able to catch my breath as I move from one thing to the next every day, of the feeling of failure as certain things get put on the back burner, of the disappointment I’ve been feeling as things aren’t working out how I had hoped, of the Easter season and what God’s sacrifice means for me. I lost it last night. Tears flowed as I washed dishes that had been neglected for entirely too long. Anger flew out of me as I bent down to get a ziploc bag out of the drawer and I slammed it shut. Frustration with myself welled up inside as I surveyed our messy, dirty house. I felt responsible for everything all at once and guilt over having dropped so many balls, over not being able to carry it all, not only physically, but emotionally as well. I broke down.

The good thing about knowing Jesus is that you can trust Him to hold your stuff. He’s not only strong enough to do so, but He wants to. We were never meant to do all this alone. And knowing Him means that while I may lose my *crap* for a few minutes on a Saturday night, my emotions aren’t me. They don’t have the final say. I can take my messy, tangled, raw emotions and lay them at His feet. He can handle them. He can sort them out. He can guide my steps in the way I should go, and He can help me carry the things that are too heavy for me to shoulder on my own.

My sweet seven year old fell asleep on me today.

So, I’m thankful for our non-traditional Easter – for my mom coming to church with us this morning, for going out to eat with my mom and sister, for the snuggles I got because our daughter isn’t feeling well (she NAPPED on me!) Because, in the end, it’s not about the way you celebrate Easter. It’s about WHO you are celebrating ✝️❤️

Overstimulated.

Sometimes I get over-stimulated. Today, I freaked out on my daughter because she was leaning over me to try to see something. I yelled and told her to stop touching me. She looked scared and I immediately felt bad. But do you ever just get touched out?

During a normal day the washer and dryer are going, the dishwasher is running, my kid is yelling, “Mama!!!” for the literal hundredth time, the dog is barking, the TV might be on, the microwave is beeping, the air fryer is on. Plus, the dog is asking out AGAIN, my daughter wants me to play with her and I really want to but I have to fold this laundry and put away these dishes and answer this phone call and actually sit down and do my work at some point. And I wonder what we should have for dinner and are we out of coffee filters? And did I pay that bill? And I need to vacuum, but I’m exhausted and the dog barks at me the whole time the vacuum is running. And I made coffee earlier but I got distracted and didn’t drink it, and now it’s cold. And my daughter is yelling for me again and needs help fixing her shirt, which is on backwards. The dog is now growling at me and licking my leg because he wants me to play. And I look at the clock and only like 15 minutes have gone by and I wonder how I’m ever going to make it through the day.

Sweet girl would prefer it if I would play with her all day every day.

We’re fortunate that *for now* our daughter still takes a nap. I absolutely count on that hour and a half to sit and enjoy the semi-quiet. But even then there are so many things swirling around me. And the days where, for whatever reason, she can’t fall asleep? Those are the worst.

Please don’t get me wrong. I know how absolutely blessed I am to have a home and a family who loves each other and food to eat and clothes to wear (and wash)… really, I know. But, mama is tired. Mama is overwhelmed sometimes. And mama just needs to sit in silence without being touched every now and then. If this resonates with you, please know that you’re not alone. And even if you have to take your coffee and hide in the closet so that you can drink it while it’s hot, I hope you can find a quiet moment today.