Tag: priorities

Content.

This is the current journal I’m using for my daily bible devotions. Literally every day the cover makes me stop and think. I am grateful. No matter what life throws at me, no matter what the day brings, I am thankful. Sometimes, I just need a reminder.

Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. Philippians 4:11

That is the first verse I wrote out in this journal, on a day when I really needed it:

“Before I even sat down to write this morning, [my boss] called and needed me to take a check to the office in Lexington, and to run a personal errand for him while I was there. It’s days like this that really stress me out. I had already decided that I could get some background stuff done today on the computer and stay in my leggings… not happening now. I was really upset after that phone call. But then I picked up this brand new journal and on the very front was a reminder to be thankful. And then, Jim’s devotion was from this verse in Philippians… okay, I get it.

First of all, I need to be thankful that I have a job that allows me to make a little extra money for my family. And as much as I get flustered with my job sometimes, [my bosses] have been very flexible with my schedule and me taking time off for baby girl. I’m gaining valuable experience, and they trust me to do what needs to be done. It’s definitely not the worst gig in the world – most days, I can stay in my pajamas if I want, and I can plan my work around caring for my child.

Also, it shouldn’t matter what the day throws at me, I should be more like Paul. If my focus is on the eternal, then I can be content in whatever. What better opportunity than today to live that out? It’s easy to say I’m content when I can stay at home in my leggings all day, because that’s what I want to do. But, can I really put it into practice when things aren’t going the way I want or planned? I want to be so focused on God that I use whatever the world throws at me for His purpose and as an opportunity to live for Him. Lord, help me see things this way!”

Works.

In going through some of my previous bible devotions, I found this that I wrote in March. It reminded me that I already had a heart project going on when I decided to I would finally obey and start this blog… a heart project I had started to forget about in the anxiety of publishing my words.

You believe God is One; you do well. Even the demons believe – and shudder! Do you want to be shown, you foolish person, that faith apart from works is useless?

James 2:19&20

This passage always gets me, and makes me think of The Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis (such a good book if you haven’t read it!) Satan himself knows that Jesus is the Son of God, that’s why he attacks us so. Evil in the purest form believes in the one true God, so when people say they believe in God, it’s not really much of a thing to say. We are called to live our lives like we believe in God. That belief should be causing us to act in some way or another.

Where I get tripped up is that when I see the word “works” in this passage, I think I need to be out in the street feeding the hungry or teaching orphans in Africa – and if that is what God lays on my heart, then by all means, I should. However, I forget that it also just means action. How am I living differently than I would otherwise because I believe? Do I have a joy that the world can’t take away? Do I see God as Lord of all, and therefore use my time to praise His name? Do I take comfort that His plan is better when something’s not going the way I think it should? Do I use the talents and abilities He has given me to glorify Him in my day to day life? “Works” aren’t just these grandiose gestures that I usually think of, they are faith in action in our everyday lives. It’s living like we believe, not just saying we do.

Lately, after feeling like I’m not giving God my absolute all, I’ve been praying for Him to show me what I’m holding back. I think I assumed it was one big thing I was holding on to, but He’s been showing me all sorts of little daily things that I keep forgetting to hand over. My work is definitely one of these things, but it has been even smaller aspects like [Baby Girl’s] sleeping habits and what we’re going to have for dinner. I think I just assume that these things are too small for God to waste His time with, and that I can handle them myself. However, these small things are the very things satan uses to get in my head, to tell me I’m not good enough. So, they are definitely things I should be handing over to God, because He wants it all – even the [maybe not so] little things.

I’ve gotten distracted lately by focusing on giving God this big thing (my blog), and have forgotten once again to hand over every seemingly minute aspect of my life. Because of this, I can once again feel satan wedging in, using these tiny worries I have to give me big anxieties and insecurities. I can tell that I’m not giving God my all, only a small, specific portion of my life that I have divided out just for Him. This is a scary realization, and I pray that He makes me more aware of the times I try to “go it alone.”

Beginning.

I wrote this at the beginning of March, and I just love everything about it. It needs to be shared with you all:

But I do not account my life of any value nor as precious to myself, if only I may finish my course and the ministry I received from the Lord Jesus, to testify to the gospel of the grace of God.

Acts 20:24

I had to look up the verses around this one to really understand what was going on. Paul is talking to Ephesian leaders about his life. He says he doesn’t always know where the Holy Spirit is going to lead him, but he can be sure that he will most likely face some sort of adversity, persecution, or physical harm. But to him it’s worth it. His physical being, he realizes, is not as important as the task God has charged him with. So, even if he is facing trials, he is happy to do it.

IT’S NOT ABOUT ME.

My poor, tired, teething baby. I feel you, girl.

I sat down to do this devotion yesterday, and immediately the baby woke up from her nap. She’s got four teeth coming in, and we’ve been working on changing her schedule. For the past three nights, she has whined in her sleep all night – so mama hasn’t gotten much sleep. Work is kind of busy, and I’ve had this lingering abdominal pain since Sunday that just doesn’t want to seem to go away. I feel like I’m being pulled in so many different directions. As soon as I feel like I’ve got one thing under control, something else happens. I typed out a quick note on my phone this morning to address these complaints. At the end, however, I realized that by being bogged down by everything going on and everything I “have to” do, I was missing out on God’s plan for my day. Yes, He can help me take care of all that stuff (or show me that it’s not actually that important), but He can also give me opportunities to love those around me, to talk to someone who is lonely, or to be in the right place at the right time. It’s not about my to-do list, it’s about God’s will.

For this devotion, Jim used a quote from Oswald Chambers. I’m not going to write it out – BUT IT’S SO GOOD – but the gist of it is this: it’s easier to “live for God” on our own terms without actually consulting God. We can do “Christian-like” things that we’re comfortable with, without questioning if it is in fact what God has actually put on our hearts to do. Jim says, “if we choose to never hear Him, we will never find the true life of a disciple.” [Link to mentioned devotion and quotes here.]

This steps on my toes for two reasons: 1) My to-do list? Not that important after all. 2) What is God calling me to really do? Well, sometimes I find that tricky to discern. God made me a mother, and I feel like that’s the very most direct way we can follow the great commission: as parents, we are making disciples of our children; it’s hard and important work. Also, lately I’ve followed a blogger on Facebook. She posts inspirational, real, and sometimes funny things about motherhood, being a woman, and following Jesus. I’ve always loved to journal, and it’s definitely the most eloquent way I can get my thoughts down – I’m a terrible speaker, even in everyday conversation. I’ve also been reading The Magnolia Journal and the Gaines’ books. Joanna is all about living purposefully and authentically, and it really speaks to me. I’ve started to feel a little nudge; okay, so, I’ve actually heard the word, “words,” spoken to me while praying for God to show me how to use my talents for His purpose.

I remember writing this out, and my heart was racing. I had never spoken out loud that nudge I had been feeling, much less even written it down. The fact that I wrote it out, acknowledged it, made it seem so much more real, and so much more frightening. Of course, God knew that I knew before that. He knew that I was, and still am, scared. But, He also knows the great things He can accomplish through me if I just get out of the way. That is so very comforting.