Tag: self-control

Pursue love.

These are a few of my journal entries from the past week, and when I put them all together it was obvious that God was speaking love into my heart; not just that He loves me, but that I need to love others in that same way.

By this, all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.

John 13:35

I know I visit this verse a lot, but I feel like it is so very important – especially in the divided world we live in. In his bible study on this verse, Jim asked us to think about how we relate to each other. When we meet someone new, a common question is, “what do you do?” and we usually answer that in regards to our work. But why do we do that? For most people, our work is a very small part of our identity. He points out that unless we wear a uniform or name tag, it’s impossible to tell for sure what kind of job we have without asking. My favorite thing he said was, “Our love for others should be as noticeable as a name tag or a uniform.” Yeah.
I’m convicted by this. What in the world does this kind of love look like? How could people see that? But then I’m reminded that Jesus already showed us what it looked like. He was our example. He tells us to love each other as He loves us. He tells us to be patient, kind, not boastful, envious, arrogant, or rude. (See 1 Corinthians 13:4-8.) We all need that reminder.
1 Corinthians 14:1 says, “Pursue love, and earnestly desire the spiritual gifts, especially that you may prophesy.” The prophesy part is another spiritual realization for another day, but these words: PURSUE LOVE, they are it. If we want to be close to God, we need to pursue love. God is love. The closer we get to Him, the easier it will be to love.


This is my motto for this week. I want to do better at living out the definition of love; and not just seeking God and His love, but pursuing it, chasing after Him daily with my whole heart.

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast, it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, endures all things.

1 Corinthians 13:4-8

This is one of the most famous passages in the bible – “the love passage,” that is frequently read at weddings. As I was reading it in reference to my last entry, I was convicted – more than that, God spoke directly to my heart. It got me thinking: we are called to follow Jesus’ example; Jesus is God; God is love… see where I’m going with this? There’s no denying that, as Christians, our goal is to strive to be an embodiment of the love described in this passage; and not just in romantic relationships, but ALL relationships, especially our relationships with other Christians. Then I had another thought – no wonder the world doesn’t like us. We mess this up A LOT, and we look like hypocrites. In the past year, we’ve let politics and a pandemic and other worldly things divide us. We’ve been downright ugly. Why would anybody want to follow Jesus if this is what it looks like?
It’s funny how something strikes me in application to people or Christians as a whole at first, but God always ends up pointing me in the direction of my own heart. Yeah, collectively, Christians have issues, but the solution starts in each individual’s heart. In my heart.
I don’t think it’s a coincidence that “patient and kind” are the first two virtues listed. I had a serious heart-to-heart with myself over this. My patience? Needs A LOT of work. My kindness? It’s usually conditional and rooted in convenience. I started thinking about all the instances throughout any given day that I have a chance to practice my patience: with my daughter (that feels like every second of every day), with my bosses, with myself, with my expectations, with people on social media, with my waiting on God to move. I decided the other day that Ineeded to be a better living example of this passage to my daughter especially – it’s vital, important work that God has given me to do. And don’t you know that as soon as I comitted to this, satan started working through my tiny girl to absolutely tear me apart. For like a day and a half I was miserable. I had lost my temper more times than I could count, I had yelled, I had overreacted. Last night after having to go back in her room at bedtime for the millionth time, I came out and just cried. I felt like a big failure. Then I opened my bible and dove into this “love passage.” God doesn’t tell us that living like this will be easy, but it’s so important.
And while we’re talking about things I need to work on, it mentions that love is not irritable… yeah, I allow myself to get irritated at the smallest things. I get irritated with other people – especially on social media. I think I need a refresher course in the whole “slow to anger” thing.
Also, as I read, I thought, “okay, I’m not resentful, moving on!” But the truth is, I am resentful. There are certain people that I feel a certain way about just because of something they did or said, even a long time ago. I do really try to give people the benefit of the doubt, and I learned a long time ago that slapping forever labels on people because of one instance or one conversation is so dangerous. People change, people grow, just as I have. But I know I still have so much more growing to do in this department.
I guess the biggest question I have about all this is what does it actually look like to bear, believe, and endure all things? Enduring is the easiest concept for me to understand – loving even though it’s hard, loving forever. And I guess bearing all things means helping each other carry whatever we are going through, no matter how hard. Okay, so, love believes all things. What does that mean? It seems so vague. We believe all God’s promises in regards to another person? We believe in the other person and never give up on them? Hmmm. I guess I need to think about what Jesus believes in regards to us: He believes we are worthy of love and salvation. He believes in giving us free will so that we can choose to love Him on our own. He believes that we are worthy of the responsibility of being His hands and feet.

So after diving deeper into “the love passage”, the next day, I saw it again. One of my favorite bloggers to follow, Amy Weatherly, posted the same passage with a very similar sentiment. I thanked her for the spiritual reinforcement. I don’t know her, and she probably has absolutely no idea who I am, but God used her to speak to me, to remind me of this week’s pursuit of love. Then today, someone on my Facebook posted a verse from this passage. I instantly stopped scrolling and knew that I was seeing exactly what I needed to see. I have a feeling that this pursuit of love is not just going to be this week’s theme. God seems to give me “themes”to work on in every season. Over the last few years He’s given me trust, faith, focus, and goodness to work on, just to name a few. I think this is going to be one of the big ones. I pray that my mind and heart are ready to receive the instruction He’s giving me. I pray that I go into the upcoming week with these instructions on my heart.

Comparison.

We had baby girl’s birthday party yesterday, and were so blessed with an enormous amount of friends and family that came to celebrate with us. I ordered a cake from Main St. Bakery a couple of weeks ago, and I was excited to see what she came up with. Hubby went and got it while I put sweet girl down for a nap, then mom came and stayed with her while I went to church to set up. I was so happy with how it turned out. Her cakes are always beautiful, but this was absolutley gorgeous!
Could this be any more perfect?! I was in love with that cake! I didn’t want to cut it.

When we got home I posted a picture of it on Instagram. When I got back on later, I had a comment on my post from the illustrator of the Fancy Nancy books! She said it was brilliant, and I couldn’t agree more. Also, I was freaking out that she had commented on my photo! I may or may not have followed her immediately and now she probably thinks I’m crazy… but how awesome is that?!

If I’ve learned anything from Instagram, it’s that the world is actually pretty small, and everybody is a personal blogger. I see other people, mamas specifically (SO MANY), out there doing exactly what I’m doing, and I get discouraged. I start thinking, “she’s prettier, her pictures are more beautiful, her house looks like a magazine, she’s more outgoing than I am…” on and on. I fall down the comparison hole and it’s hard to climb back out. I wonder why anybody would care what I have to say when there are already so many “better” options out there. But then I’m gently reminded that I’ve been called to this. I don’t have to have the prettiest photos and I don’t have to shout louder than everyone else to be heard. I just have to be me, because God called me to speak in only a way I can, from experiences that are unique to me. And because He called me to this, He will be faithful to use what I’m giving Him; He will put my words in front of the exact person that needs to see them. He will use me if I get out of my own way and let Him.
For this reason I remind you to fan into flame the gift of God…
2 Timothy 1:6a

Boldness.

…for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.

2 Timothy 1:7

I know I’ve done this verse more than once before, and it seems like I even remember doing it pretty recently. But Jim’s message on Sunday [you can watch it here] was about choices, and I thought this related so well. He said that he read somewhere that we make like 35,000 choices a day. That sounds insane, but I believe it. He asked us how many times a day we consider God’s will before we choose?

That got me thinking about my motivation for the choices I make. Most of my choices are made from a desire for comfort. How many times a day do I do something because the alternative seems too scary or I’m too timid and shy to do what I think I really should? ALL THE TIME. I keep quiet instead of complementing someone. I let someone else step up to help that person in need because I’m too scared. For crying out loud, I pass by a Facebook status that makes me happy for or proud of the person posting it and don’t hit the “like” button because social interaction, even behind a screen, makes me nervous. All the time I let satan tell me that my “personality flaws” overpower what God is asking me to do. I let him tell me that it’s okay to indulge myself or to give in to fear. But, the Holy Spirit inside me is stronger that my personality. [Insert a thought I had that I typed out months ago on my phone, waiting for the perfect opportunity to share: “Our emotions, our personality ‘flaws’ are our thorns in our sides. They are there to keep us humble. If we didn’t have to strive for heavenly perfection, if we were already there, we wouldn’t need Jesus.”] As long as I accept and believe that the Holy Spirit is bigger, I don’t have to be bogged down by timidity and fear. I don’t have to let them control my choices. The funny thing is that this is a choice in itself. I can choose to listen to satan’s voice, or the Holy Spirit’s guidance. My choices are not random or arbitrary, though they may feel that way to me as I skate through life. I’m making a choice. I need to be so much more careful about making conscious decisions to listen to the Holy Spirit.

Confession time: during the month of December, I wrote in my bible journal five times. FIVE TIMES. And you want to know what’s even worse than that? I went to God even less. The times I did write were out of guilt, and I let myself become distracted while doing it. I only did it to check it off my list, to be able to say that I did it. And yes, we had a great holiday season and I kept my expectations in check, and I enjoyed each moment as it happened. But, I never went to God with thanksgiving for any of it. I never slowed down and took time to ponder the birth of Jesus and what His presence here on earth means for my life. I neglected going to His word and spending time in His presence daily, and boy does it show. I have felt so disconnected from God and His will lately, and my CHOICES made it happen. God didn’t change, and He surely didn’t go anywhere. He’s still there, waiting patiently for me to come to my senses. If I treated my friends the way that I sometimes treat God, they would be long gone; no sane person would put up with my crap. But God’s love is supernatural, His forgiveness is always waiting, and His mercy is relentless. He loves us like nobody else can and even when nobody else does. We don’t deserve it, but He loves us anyway. I’m so, so very grateful for that.

Satan stayed over for the holidays, but it’s time for him to leave now. I never should have invited him in the first place, but now he’s really overstayed his welcome. Lord, kick him out, and give me power and self-control to tell him, “no,” next time.

My kid looking grumpy about my cute photoshoot idea.

By the world’s standards, we had a wonderful Christmas – we spent time with family, cooked together, had a cute family photo by the tree, lots of presents for baby girl, good food… but what did we do for others? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. AND, the one time of year that secular radio stations play songs about Jesus, did I say anything to anybody? Did I use the season as a conversation-starter to tell someone who otherwise wouldn’t stop to think about it about Jesus’ love? NOPE. I really messed this one up and completely missed the point.

So, in relation to the new year, this is going to be the verse that I focus on. God didn’t give us a spirit of fear, but a bold spirit to overcome our fear. He didn’t create us to sit back and watch others live for Him, but gave us a heart for Him and His people. And he certainly didn’t allow us to be imperfect just to stay that way. We have the self-control we need already inside us through the Holy Spirit. Going into the new year with a renewed spirit of power and love and self-control is exactly what I need to live as God has called me to – boldly.